Advice
I apologise if I'm not posting this in the right place, I wasn't sure where to post it but I saw this community and it said Relationship Stress, so I think it is the right place to write it?
I have a long-distance boyfriend who I love very much, and he tells me he loves me but I keep getting the feeling that he doesn't love me anymore, and doesn't want me anymore. I don't want to be a guillable person who believes everything she sees online, but I keep seeing this videos that have the sole purpose of showing red flags in relationships and partners. In the videos I see, I've seen multiple red flags raised that my boyfriend has, and they also show signs of love bombing, and my boyfriend does a lot of those signs. I don't know if it's true, if I'm just overthinking it, but I don't know.
I'll explain more clearly:
I wanted to dye my hair a colour I really liked, it matched my alternative style and I felt really happy about it. I told my boyfriend about it happily, thinking he would be excited about it, too, but I was wrong. He told me it would damage my hair and didn't want me to have it.
I'm alternative, I love dressing that way. When I met my boyfriend, I was still experimenting with my style so I wasn't very obviously alternative. A while back, I told my boyfriend I had brought some new clothes and was trying them on, he told me to send him pictures of me wearing the clothes. I did. He didn't like them at all. He told me that me wearing those clothes made him upset and said that it shows a 'lack of respect for our relationship' (his words) and it really bothered me because those clothes were not in any way revealing or offensive. He knows I struggle with insecurity in my body image and those clothes made me feel pretty. I checked with another person I know and they told me there was nothing wrong with the clothes, and asked if my boyfriend was trying to gaslight me (I don't know if he was). I tried to tell my boyfriend that those clothes made me feel pretty, that I felt attractive for the first time in such a long time, and he told me that apparently those clothes were more important to me than our relationship, which isn't true. It hurts that he said that to me, even though it's been a while, I still remember it and it makes me sad. I saw this other video of a girl who sent a picture of herself to her boyfriend, who didn't ask for a picture, and he was so excited and happy and I just couldn't help but wonder, why didn't my boyfriend react that way to seeing photos of me? I don't know, but it hurt. He also said that those clothes damage my 'natural beauty' and it just hurt. I think about it a lot. He told me he loves me for who I am, but this is who I am and it feels like he's rejecting me.
I want to get piercings but I'm afraid. I'm scared he won't want me to. I don't want another argument.
As for the love bombing thing, we haven't even been together for a year yet but he told me I'm his soulmate and that he wants to marry me one day. Apparently that's a sign of love bombing? He also told me he's in love with me quickly. It's almost been a year so maybe it's not that weird but I just wanted to mention it.
I don't know. Is this all in my head? Am I wrong? I don't know what's happening but I just need advice.
@littlecat123
Love bombing is common and it can be intense.
In any relationship you need to be free to express yourself.
Be able to be honest.
And trust your instincts.
Your bf does not have the right to tell you what way to wear your hair, or how to dress , and then to emotionally manipulate you by thinking it's all about him and his feelings , suggesting you don't care about that relationship.
A relationship is about uplifting one another, yes, we can have opinions on our partners style or choices, but that's all they are, choices, ultimately they are ours to make.
Your bf is being immature and controlling and if you don't feel comfortable talking to him, about something as simple as an ear piercing, how could you ever talk about bigger issues.
You deserve someone to celebrate every aspect of you and not to bring you down.
You deserve to be happy and our instincts are never usually wrong 💚
I genuinely wish you the best and maybe your bf should worry about his own clothing/hair choices instead!
Thank you. That means a lot to me, I've been feeling quite anxious about this for a while now, and I really wanted someone to talk to but I don't have any friends. I don't want to make my boyfriend sad, but I don't really know what to do or how to talk to him about it
The clothes I wear make me feel happy and more confident in my body, I don't understand why he didn't like them, but yeah
Still, thank you for your kind words and advice, I appreciate it 🤍
@littlecat123
Trust me, you are not responsible for your boyfriends emotions , he is not worried about making you sad, always remember he is your equal, not your keeper, a pleasure, I just want you to be appreciated for you 💚
Thank you, that made me smile 🤍 you also deserve to be appreciated for you, you seem like a good, kind person!
@littlecat123
Thank you 💚🤗
Expressing his love early on doesn't scream "love bombing" to me. I feel it's more when your other is mean, withdrawn, or just different and when you notice and it upsets you, they change and want to over do it and then goes right back. A never ending cycle. That's MY opinion on it.
You haven't even been together for a full year and he is showing extreme controlling behavior. That's not good. I know you don't want to hear this but you two aren't compatible sweetheart and I believe it is absolutely in your best interest to jump ship. Find your identity and grow confidence before seeking out another partner.
YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURESELF COMPLETELY FIRST.
Take this advice from a woman who made many mistakes. Learn from my mistakes.