Am i not good in relationships?
I am 31 years old. In my country, people believe that a woman hasn't married after 25 years old called leftover. But, isn't the reason why i wanna to make a relationship. I don't really care about people talking. Sometimes, i think about not good in relationships. I have ever tried several times loving a man. But, the ending always seems badly. I don't know what's wrong with me. They left me with bad relationships memories. The last relationship, i just tried to be the best as i can. But, i feel that He didn't really into me as i am. I always wait for him to reply my text. Sometimes, he replied after a week later and always said that he was very busy at work. Sometimes, when he asked me to go out, suddenly he canceled it at the time. So, we have a bad communication. When we fight, he always do a silent treatment and doesn't text me untill 2 weeks or more. And i always the first one who say sorry to him, even though i know that he is guilty. I feel bad about my self. And i am still asking, is that kind of toxic relationship? Or just i am a bad girl who always want him to care with me.
I don't know, now, i feel hopeless with kind of relationship. I think, how many times i wanna try, i will end becoming a broken heart girl. But, sometimes, i just think that maybe i haven't met my Mr. Right.
Can you all give me some advices or anything about my relationship's story? It means a lot for me.
Thanks.
Most parts of the world are influenced by western culture and right now western culture is in a new age where there is more equality, more freedom of expression and more opportunities. Many people are getting married and having children in their 30s. Some don’t even find the one till their 40’s or older. Also, marriage doesn’t equal to an everlasting partnership, and age doesn’t limit your chances of falling inlove nor does it make you any less lovable.
As for what I can take away from the brief summary of your dating history, I think you’ve just met the wrong men. Maybe you have a tendency to get attached to men who are emotionally unavailable because what you should do once someone makes you feel like a burden or an afterthought, is leave. If they wanted to be with you there would be no excuses, they’d just be there. And if they’re not there then that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. On the contrary it shows that you are a good person, and some people will try to take advantage of this.
My advice would be to get to know them as much as possible before showing them you’re wifey material. Set boundaries—if they don’t answer your texts for longer than a day, and can’t give a proper explanation as to why (with a medical, work, financial or family issue), tell them you’re looking for a partner not a pen pal. If you decide to give them another chance and they repeat it one or two more times, tell them that they are clearly not ready to be with you and they have proven that they don’t deserve your patience and understanding. A relationship goes both ways. Ultimately, being alone isn’t scary if you have friends and family who love you and if you have genuine love for yourself and for the world. The right person will understand that.
You are not a bad person. You have emotional needs that are not being met. 30years old is still young by some standards and waiting is sometimes better than getting into a wrong relationship/marriage. I’m just over 50 and divorced and starting over again.
It may be hard to do, but I’ve been reading/seeing lots of messages that you should let go. Silent treatment is acceptable for a day or two at maximum. 1 week is a red flag that there is some imbalance in the relationship.
Im not sure if you’ve looked into it yet but you should check into learning about the different types of attachment styles. This may shed some light into why you feel the way you do and what the other person is like.
You are not alone.