Anxious attachment

Hi, I’m really struggling emotionally at the moment and feeling very alone.

I’ve been in a relationship with someone I care about deeply. We’ve known each other for a long time — we were friends first, and there’s a really strong connection between us. It’s not just about romance; it’s about comfort, familiarity, and shared history. When we’re together, everything feels safe, warm, and full of love. He’s incredibly affectionate and speaks so highly of what we are — he calls us a strong unit and makes it clear how much he values our bond.

But there’s also been some emotional instability, and it’s been incredibly hard on me. In the early stages, he wasn’t sure about us, and I found out he was still talking to other people. That left a bit of a scar, and even though things moved forward and we got closer, that doubt still lives in the back of my mind. Especially when his behaviour changes.

He’s self-employed and currently under a lot of pressure — financially, physically (he’s dealing with chronic pain), and emotionally. When he’s in “work mode,” I barely hear from him. The shift is stark — one week he’s constantly in touch, calling me while driving, messaging sweet things — and the next, it’s like I’m completely off his radar. That inconsistency plays havoc with my anxiety. When we’re apart, I feel like I crumble. The silence makes me spiral into thoughts of “has he gone off me?” or “am I too much?”

I’m aware that I probably have an anxious attachment style. I overthink everything, compare the present to better moments in the past, and get caught in a cycle of trying to reach out — then feeling even more hurt when he doesn’t respond the way I hope. I don’t want to be overwhelming. I don’t want to sabotage something that matters to me. I just want to feel secure and steady — both in myself and in the relationship.

I’m here because I need support from people who understand what this feels like. I want to be emotionally stronger, more balanced, and to stop relying on his reassurance to feel okay. I’m exhausted, but I’m trying. I just don’t want to feel so alone with it all.