Anxiously Attached to my girlfriend
I struggle very deeply with relationship anxiety on a day to day basis.
But there is nothing that comes close to the anxiety I experience pertaining to my relationship and the constant fear of abandonment and being cheated on. I (23M) have been dating my girlfriend (21F) for a little over a year now, i graduated last year around this time and have been working full-time since, while she is still in college and in a sorority.
Every single day while i am at work i am consumed by this horrible and deep fear that while I am here, she is at her apartment cheating on me and that she is going to leave me. All of this comes from a deep rooted trauma withing myself due to my previous girlfriend cheating on me just shy of a dozen times by the time it was over all without me having a clue until after things had ended. I spend each day and frankly each moment that we are apart completely paralyzed by the thought and unable to be present in any other part of my life.
I just recently started up therapy again to try and build the skills to combat this, because i can recognize that i have no actual evidence that she is actually doing any of this but i just simply cannot redirect my mind away from these heinous thoughts.
I recognize that this constant state of fear I subject myself to is not healthy for me, and it is not healthy for the relationship. I just want to stop straining our relationship and ultimately deteriorating it all because i simply cannot get over my own overthinking and trauma responses to certain situations. I'm not sure what I can do, my therapist recommended trying to redirect those negative thoughts with positive thoughts of her and our relationship when they come into my head but I feel as though that is a lot easier said than done. Just today at work, i have spent nearly the entire workday stressing over this stuff completely unable to be productive over the last 5 hours and it is driving me mad. I shouldn't be this obsessed with what she is doing every waking second of everyday, i don't want my world to only revolve around her, i want to be secure with my own individuality and be comfortable by myself, whether or not we are in a relationship.
@dietdrpepperlover
🥺
Thank you for your honesty!
I can see what a good person you are and how much you love your girlfriend!
I'm sorry you were cheated on and it's affecting you now!
I'm glad you are going to therapy, recognizing you have a problem is a strength, putting in the work to make sure you have the healthiest relationship you can.
When you obsess, it could help to listen to music, drown out the obsessive thoughts!
Focus your energy into something physical that gets all the stress out.
Let yourself be happy, you deserve it!
Don't stop finding solutions to help!
💜💜