BDSM/Poly and the aftermath
Originally, my marriage and relationship with my life partner was good. We did very well managing both our professional, family and then personal relationship aspects. Several years ago we made the choice to take our kinks (cuckolding, etc) into the wide world of online. That blossomed into several meaningful connections.
When my life partner started traveling for work we discussed a poly lifestyle switch along with our D/s relationship growing stronger into the fully chastised field (which would limit my exposure to sex with my life partner). During this time I found a secondary, everyone met and for a while it was somewhat up and down while everyone got their boundaries. Then it was good. We made connections, got to do things, and hubby was somewhat involved (as much as our type of poly allowed for).
Fast forward two years, significant marital communication issues and the same on the secondary partnership and everything has come to a crashing end. My secondary partner became insecure and jealous of my husband, my husband became jealous of my secondary and I was caught having feelings for both - but finding myself less and less in love with my husband due to how bad our arguments would be and how unwilling to listen he'd get.
We're in a situation now that my husband is still traveling for work (maybe home 1-2 weeks every 4-8 weeks) and does very little at the house besides live out of his suitcase, work on his car or the house. He's intentionally manipulated situations, and made things significantly harder because he felt he could. I have all but fallen out of respect and love for this man.
My secondary relationship failed, as you might imagine from communication issues and me flailing to attempt to salvage my marriage for a while. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I adore the man this man is, despite the issues we've had. He no longer wants a relationship, but still wants to be my friend. I'm struggling on that because I am still in love with him.
This is a extremely shortened version of things, so if it seems all over and haphazardly it was actually not nearly that thrown together. Simply trying to put 6 years into several paragraphs is hard. I'm not entirely sure I need advice, though it's welcome. Simply have no family or friends to vent this to and it's becoming overwhelming since Thanksgiving.
I normally love the holidays. I'm "that Christmas girl" - and this year I haven't even put the tree or yard decor up.
Signed,
One *** of a sad woman.
@Foxinthehenhouse,
how about relationship therapy? Not to try to salvage the marriage, as that is not what it is about. But to try to reconnect, to communicate again. A decent therapist (do go shopping, settle for one you both feel comfortable with) might be able to bring out feelings and emotions on the table in a safe comforting way.
My husband and secondary partner are both unwilling at this time. I've tried that avenue with my husband in the past both single and couple and unfortunately it was not successful and he stopped going to his sessions.
My secondary partner has asked space against the relationship aspect and wishes to remain friends, which I can and am respecting as it stands. I did suggest that if we were to pursue a relationship again that perhaps we utilized some of the couple connect apps or other methods to build better communication health.
Right now I'm looking in to some therapy for myself, just to help me get through all of this as it's just so complicated and I still have a family and life I have to look after.
@Foxinthehenhouse hi, feel free to message if you wish to talk about it...
