Breakup.
I’m struggling with going no contact. How can I conquer this? It’s been 6 years and he left me so suddenly. We were talking about marriage. My heart is in pieces. It’s been almost a month and I’m shattered
@quietCurrent2672
I am so sorry you are going through this. 7Cups is a good place to receive support. The shock and grieving process is different for every person, so it will take time, but you will get through this. What keeps you from your daily activities and responsibilities?
I just worry about losing him forever. He was my best friend.. I worry about him forgetting about me if I don’t reach out. I distract myself all day to try and not reach out to him but at the end of the day when my world is quiet, the urge overtakes me and I give in. I can see him pulling more and more away from me. It hurts
@quietCurrent2672
Hi ... I want to make sure I’m following your timeline correctly: you were together for 6 years, and then about a month ago, he decided to suddenly end your relationship? Is that right? How long ago did you two talk about getting married? Did it ever get to the planning stage?
The few months before ending things he wanted me to send him rings and we were talking about what kind of wedding we wanted to have… I was looking at venues. I guess he got cold feet or realized it wasn’t for him.. maybe he felt he was settling with me
@quietCurrent2672
Thank you for sharing. I can see now how this experience was so devastating.
“I guess he got cold feet or realized it wasn’t for him. maybe he felt he was settling with me”
First of all, I am 100% sure he was not settling by being with you. I have no doubt you are an amazing partner.
My guess is he was afraid—and that has nothing to do with you. I believe many men (I can say this was true for me) see themselves how we wish we could be, instead of how we truly are. Please correct me if I’m wrong … but do you know what I mean?
I believe there is a person for every one of us, and that person can be in the form of a partner—or a more mature, integrated, and loving version of ourselves. Either way, it requires the kind of spiritual work I hear people talk about at 7Cups.
My wife and I met at 18 and 19, we were friends for a year, dated for a year, and were engaged for two years. We had a lot of family-of-origin stuff we had to work out on both sides before we were ready to get married. And when we did, it was perfect. Everything was exactly how we wanted it.
She was my everything. She was my soulmate. And after 20 years, we needed to end it. No drama.
At that time, I was engrossed (and still am) in my spiritual growth and development. And I was resolved to not seek any relationships until our children were grown, but the Universe had other plans.
The point is the spiritual work needs to be at the center and foundation of our everyday. You are doing it by being here and asking for support. You will have your time to grieve and then you will move into your next wonderful version of yourself.
Feel free to ask me anything about my journey, and please let me know how I can be of help.
Thank you for sharing.. I am trying my best to work on myself spiritually.. I just don’t know how. I want to be okay without him but right now I still long for hope of one day him and I can be together again. In the meantime I have just been taking it a day at a time.
@quietCurrent2672
You got it: “taking it a day at a time” … that’s how you will do this, spiritually.
Do you belong to any faith groups? They might be able to offer some consolation. Be gentle with yourself, this is a time for grieving.
Feel free to share anything if it will help you lessen your burdens.
@quietCurrent2672
How are things going?
I'm so sorry. I'm feeling this too rn. So many mixed emotions and pain that feels unreal. And I understand the part about laying down at night and then feeling tempted to reach out and beg him to want and love me. Hugs friend.
I have recently just separated from my husband of 21 yrs, literally half of my life. I know it will probably end in divorce and separation was my idea too, but how do you stop the ache or sooth it and not lose yourself?!? Hubs left 2 days ago and I don't know who I am a little.
@quietCurrent2672 That sounds really painful. Six years is a long time to share with someone, and going no contact feels like losing a part of yourself. How have you been coping day to day? What helps you hold on when it feels so hard?
I cry myself to sleep most nights. I broke no contact but realized I’m just being selfish and manipulative by trying to beg someone to be with me when they don’t want to. I realized if I really love him, then I need to leave him alone. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through in my life. So today is day 1.
Curious how you are doing and feeling now
We saw each other yesterday. We were silent most of the time and when we did talk it was small talk. Everything just felt so empty. And today I am so sad and down. I didn’t even make it to church today because I just didn’t have the energy for it.
I don’t really have a support system around me, just one friend, so it’s been difficult. He didn’t show any interest in rekindling anything with me and even talked about me talking to other men. It just seems like we’re done and I’m so sad about it
I'm so sorry. I hope you can still find some beauty in this day
How are you holding up? I know it’s just the beginning but that’s the worst part.. I’m sorry you’re going through this but I hope in the meantime you can find who you are without him
I just feel all over the place. Like I made the right choice but then afraid to be alone and just..sad and a little bit reckless and alone
If you feel you made the right choice, hold onto that. That will save you a lot more trouble and heartache. That’s not to say things can’t change in the future but during this season of your life, maybe you’re meant to discover yourself.
