Confused

Sending a big hug to you. ❤️

I can totally feel you. I'm working on that part too as I have always felt like everything happens because of me. Even when people have hurt me, I always thought it's because of me.

I can share with you the things I've been doing and they might help you or of course you can find your own ways too.

I'm doing this for some years now. I try to keep every good thing people have said to me in texts or write them up somewhere and read them whenever I feel bad about myself. That simply reminds me that I'm focusing on the negatives more. For instance, if someone's text makes me smile here then I keep it.

Whenever you say something bad to yourself, take a pause. Think that if it's actually correct or these are just thoughts.

Try to journal. I've been using a diary for three years now. I'm an extremely lazy person or always low on energy so I don't write everything. I just write what I achieved that day in 2-3 lines and the bad thing that happened. I read that every month and at the end of the year to know how much I've grown as a person. This helps me see the positive things about being myself and knowing how much I'm actually learning.

Being as kind to yourself as to others. We forgive people when they treat us wrong but not ourselves. I'm learning how to treat myself the way I treat others. Something I have realised is that it became my habit to disrespect myself and people only treated me the way I expected them to treat me. Don't be dependent upon them for that love and care. Here's something I like to remember in such times -

"Men may come and men may go,

But I go on forever."

You have to live with yourself the entire life. We can't rely on others. People come and go. They teach us life lessons. They can make us smile or cry but they can't support us permanently as much as we can. Our bodies fight so hard to keep us alive despite us disrespecting it sometimes.

So, appreciate yourself and your efforts. You're trying so hard everyday. Write up your small achievements and try to give more space to them in your mind.

Self - love is a long journey but totally worth it. You know when I started it, I would follow my self care routine even when I knew I'd cry all night but still I didn't want to give up because I didn't take care of myself for so many years and I didn't want to take away even one day from myself.

I totally believe in you. Find your reasons and don't give up. You deserve love too. And try not to get too attached to people till you don't heal yourself because then only you'd be able to give yourself that time and care. You can still connect with good people. 🌸

You can do this even if you don't feel like it. These are thoughts and try not to let them define you.

Hope everything works out for you! ❤️