Cptsd household. Together for 12 years almost

So long story short. We have 3 kids. 2 from his first marriage. He was in the army for 9 years. Combat. We have one kid together shes 10.

The oldest stays with their boyfriend after graduating. The 16 yr old has been truancy. And the school and courts are involved. Hes been avoiding us.

It occurred to me today all the behaviors the kids have done or are doing are what he does.

Even 10 years ago hed come home and either disassociate in the garage or couch. Be frustrated by kids presence. Or attention. He now resorts to alcohol and YouTube. And always wants to move. Its always a problem wherever we are when things aren't how he wants.

Maybe im not good with people venting. I found out im adhd and autistic. But mom didnt want me on meds that made me a zombie in the early 2000s.

Id like to know thoughts. Personally I think his behavior he does is the same he gets mad at the kids for. He seems to always have an excuse on why he should be in a hole or away from everyone. He used to work out of town. And that job is no longer viable. Hes miserable. Seems to only be doing crazy bedroom stuff.

I got a second job to ease the strain and make holidays easier. I feel hes being selfish and the kids are only reflecting. Im exhausted and too afraid to bring up my own weight because it may be just discarded.

Mean while im trying to work on self image. I have my parents back in my life after over a decade of my mom rehab and my dad getting away from Florida. My heart hurts. And I feel stuck in a miserable loop. I dont even feel like talking. Ill end up telling him he's the problem. And it'll make things worse.