Desperate help needed with relationship

Hi guys, I need some help, just to make sense of it all really... and I apologise I'm advance for the massive post

So me and my partner have been together for 3 years now, the first 6 months were great, 6 months in , we'd been on a few nights out together which ended up in absolute disaster after she had been drinking ( for absolutely no reason) ... anyways,  invited my girlfriend to a friend of mines birthday (all my other friends there too) which in the usual typical fashion ended she ended up crying and kicking up a fuss over absolutely nothing...

So the night out continued and we didn't really speak at that point, there was quite alot of us out so didn't really even see her much during the night, we moved to another club with her no where to be seen and one other guy who I didn't know all that well had also disappeared...


After many unanswered calls to find out where she was, I got a phone call with her crying down the phone that she'd been sexually assaulted by this other guy

Police involved etc and It went on for months, undserstanbly she wasn't in the best of places , very upset, didn't leave the house for weeks/months, off work sick etc , eventually the police then dropped the case , that didn't go down to well obviously,
When the case got dropped , I then lost all of my friends/best friends (as they didn't believe her due to the previous experiences when alcohol was involved)

Obviously I felt real bad for her, I tried to be as supportive as I could ( i know and admit that I am not the best when it comes to being supportive) I'm litterally theee last person anyone talks to about issues etc , so I had my girlfriend on one side and then all my friends (now ex friends) on the other side so I was in a very difficult position where I ended up having to choose on who to side with,

So, this whole experience is where the relationship started to get real rocky, she changed big time after this ( totally understanble after what she had been through) her reasoning is because I wasn't very supportive which I get, but I did try my best whilst being stuck in the middle trying not to lose all my friends and the relationship.

Later on, we had a new years party at a different friends house who had been my best friend well over 10 years, all well and good. A good few months later something came out that my girlfriend had made some sort of weird comment that night about my friends wife that she had slept with someone (which was untrue)
Luckily that didn't cause any real.issue in their relationship but they then also wanted nothing to do with my girlfriend after that...

So I'd lost them as my best friends now too, obviously I was.major *** at this and still am, so things between me and partner wernt the best , we'd have some good days and but 70% of the time we were in a bad place, over even the most minor things, 

So come the following year at a another friends new years party, the same thing happened again when alcohol was involved and it was a disaster, infront of lots of people , some people we didn't even know etc, which really ruined the party for everyone , after that the very last couple.of friends (and their partners) I had were then also very "mehh" over my girlfriend,

My girlfriend knew she was in the wrong and apologised etc but things were never really the same after that, we continued to meet up etc after but I think they were only agreeing to it was to spend time with me rather than actually wanting my girlfriend there, which did become abit obvious, so my girlfriend then was upset over that, they continue to invite her to places (through me ) but she refuses as she doesn't want to be around people who she feels don't want her there..

This then also puts pressure on me/awkwardness.
Id always lived my life with my friends, we did everything together , weddings, going away on holidays , spent most nights at each other houses playing poker etc (beforehand)  so to go from having friends all over to having no one really does hurt.  I'm sure this is the reason why I find it very difficult to offer her the support / reassurance that she needs almost daily.
I do try my best , I rush home from work as quick as I can to spend time with her (as that was something that used to upset her if I got home late) , I get her flowers and chocolate if I'm late etc , I do try but she's more for emotional support etc rather than gifts etc, (she also does shift work and desperately struggles with sleep which seriously doesn't help)

I think about a year later after cutting all contact with my friends, another friend (not that close) asked if I wanted to go out offroading , and I'd only recently bought a truck to go offrading in so thought yeah why not, but it turned out alot of my previous friends were also going..

I thought mehh *** it it's been that long since I've actually gone out and done something that I'm gonna go ( i didn't speak to them etc ) just went for the day out..

That obviously went down like the titanic  with my partner , I understand her frustration as she didnt want me to be around the people that didnt believe her with what had happened which is fair enough, but i don't understand how she could be so angry at me when I lost a certain few of them due to her own actions ?



So moving on this has been going on for quite sometime that she wanted the relationship to progress, get our own house (currently renting) , marriage, children etc

And I'm.not against it but I'm struggling to show the "enthusiasm" towards it with how up and down our relationship is, if things were how they were in the first 6 months I'd be all over it, but I'd like to know thay we arw going to be good before going ahead with the other commitments so I held it off for aslong as I could..
Recently we had seemed to be better , so I thought I'd propose to her on Christmas day..

I always have good plans/intentions in my mind but everything always ends in a disaster as did the proposal 😬 to be honest, we were away on holiday the week before so I really should.of done it then but I thought it'd be better to save it for Christmas day😬

After a little while.of apologising and asking for another chance to do it, she said yes , Christmas day was all good!
But now as the days have gone on its sunk in to her that a proposal is a once in a life time thing and should be memorable for all the good reasons etc so she's getting increasingly upset over it and also very upset over the thought of the wedding as  she had always imagined won't be like that as we will have no friends there (she also lost all of her friends during that time) , no hen doo, no stag doo, none of the usual wedding stuff, (as rubbish as it is, im.fine with that, but obviously shes a little.down about it) so here we are back to being in a rubbish place again!

Also another thing that causes constant friction between us is cleaning the house..
She's a clean freak (not a bad thing) I work 6 days a week which only leaves one day and if she's not working then we are doing something together,  and she does shift work ( may work 3-5) days a week etc , so I find it difficult to find the time do a full on house clean but i'lll vac up every couple.of days after work and I cook most days but she'll do the full house clean on one of her days off ,  but she gets very frustrated at the fact that she does the cleaning most of the time, I understand where she's coming from and I do try to help but things have to be done how she wants it to be done/to her standards , so she would rather do it but then gets real *** at me for not doing it, and this has been an on going issue for a long long time!

One other thing too which I'm not really sure where to put in this post but one thing I did which really reallllly hurt her and her self confidence was I'd looked at some "stuff" online on my phone if you know what I'm getting at, It genuinely was a moment and thought nahhh and went straight off it , but obviously it was then left on my phone for when I unlocked it next and she had seen it. She was absolutely devastated over that and was litterally packing her bags to leave , I managed to convince her not to leave but this is a veryy sore subject which does pop back up every now and then ! 

I do hold my hands up and admit I havnt been the best in this whole situation/relationship ! 

The most upsetting part of all this is just how genuinely genuinely she was THEEE most caring , the most gentle ,  thoughtful person I'd ever met , so so sweet with a heart of gold and full of love to give with such a happy and fun personality and always put other people / people's happiness before her own etc..

She does honestly deserve the life that she had before that night , but i don't know how to help her get back to her old self and I'm getting more and more frustrated and run down with it all so admittedly ( althogh i am trying) I'm not really offering her the help and support she needs.

It would  also be nice every now then for her to ask if I've had a good day after work, or how my day has been, or what I've been upto whilst she's working over the weekend or anything or just to show some sort of interest in my life (she doesn't even have to be genuinely interested) it would just be nice thats all, but all.im.met with is either tiredness (not her fault) or frustration, or just generally *** at me.

I just put it down to what she went through.. but is that normal?


There is lots and lots of other issues/other things that I can't quite remember as.im typing this out but I think that's the gist of it


I don't really even know what I'm expecting from this , maybe just a little clarification on whether it's normal for a relationship to go through these kind of issues after such a traumatic experience? Do relationships generally have these kind of issues?

Thanks!