Exhausted, just want to Get off my chest....
Letter to Liam
Liam… what should I even call you?
A name?
A role?
Or Deva, the shadow I was never meant to see?
Why so many lies, Liam?
Why play this long game with me, when you knew the ending was already written?
Why choose me, when all I ever craved was honesty?
I wasn’t perfect.
But I was present.
And you don’t get to rewrite the story without acknowledging the chapters I carried when Athira couldn’t hold the pen… or maybe she could, and just chose to write someone else into them.
All these complications.
All this confusion.
Why did you choose me?
I only ever needed one thing honesty.
I still remember…
Feb 27, 2024 the day we met.
April 3, 2024 the day I made the biggest mistake of my life, thinking I could take Athira away from Deva.
I remember her as she was oving, resilient, vulnerable.
The girl who laughed at my voice, who lit up at my care.
The girl who loved Taylor Swift, who binged Hospital Playlist and Goblin,
who dreamt of Ladakh and Paris,
who feared losing the people she loved more than anything else. Was it all fake?? For over a year...
I gave her my time, my words, my shoulders when her world felt heavy.
And still… all I am left with is loneliness.
And now… all I have is loneliness.
You knew everything, Liam.
When Shifana said:
“One of my classmates asked her about her boyfriend and she said his name is Devanand”
that was the truth.
You knew Athira and Deva were together from the beginning.
That they had no problems.
That the problem… was me.
And still, you played.
Why?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to recover from that?
To realise you were kept in the dark for an entire year?
A whole year of my life… stolen. It's just my fault I'm stupid.
I can’t even tell this to a therapist without choking on the words.
Because it’s not just betrayal
it’s being made to live in a reality that was never real.
For a whole year.
A whole year you let me love a ghost.
Hey Aaryan,
I don’t know you, but I felt every single line of what you wrote.
This wasn’t just a breakup or betrayal it was a dismantling of your reality. To be emotionally invested in someone for that long, only to realise it was never what you thought… that’s not just painful, it’s unravelling. And you’re allowed to feel like the ground has been ripped out from under you.
You weren’t stupid. You were present. You gave love, care, time, and belief. And that says more about your heart than anything they took from you.
Being made to feel like a side character in someone else's story when you were giving them everything, that kind of betrayal hits deep. Especially when you’re still processing the difference between what you felt and what was real.
Please don’t let their choices define your worth. You weren’t too much. You weren’t not enough. You were true and that matters, even if they couldn’t see it or honour it.
You're not alone in this. Your pain is real, and it deserves to be seen. Thank you for putting it into words so powerfully.
Keep breathing. Keep writing, if you can. Even when it hurts.
You’re not invisible here.
Once you will know the detail of it it will give chills to your bones... I'm trying my best to recover from it
Thanks for your kind words all I can say.
“Accept the responsibility tied to someone else’s peace” that can create hope for both people.
Sometimes, when you’ve lost hope for yourself, you find it again by protecting someone else’s peace.
When life feels empty, you often stop believing in your own reasons to keep going. But if you take responsibility for someone else’s peace, you give yourself an external purpose a role that matters beyond your own struggles.
~ aaryan
