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Feeling hurt

User Profile: sensitiveApple768

I am married but feel like am always alone.we rarely have sex other than that there is no emotional bond or connect.i now realized I am not going to experience love in my life.whenevwr I see others loving their partner it feels so good to watch how they love each other. But inside I feel like why dont someone love me like that.i'm trapped in the marriage I can never come out I have a child with him.i can't work in this country because of dependent visa.i feel frustrated.my life is so boring or lifeless after he come to my life.i can see places buy things eat what I like.but can't find peace anywhere . wherever I go the thought of being married to a emotionless partner taunts me .I told him multiple times how I felt he says accept me as i'm this is how i'm I don't know how to show love .he doesn't have empathy or emotional connect.he don't even know i'm not fine that's the saddest part.he don't stand for me .if I draw boundaries with his parents he thinks i'm bad. He feels only hurt for his parents and not for me.He thinks I ruined his life.i can't even imagine my life living with this person until the end of my life .I don't even have the guts to walk away from this marriage .After moving to US I have a 4 year career gap .I have a toddler 19 months old .if I am alone without kid I would have definitely walked away not even thinking about anything else.But now I'm stuck I only think Abt my child.he is a good father to her .he can afford her a good education and very good lifestyle.if I walked away she can't get it from me..she can give only 1/4 of the lifestyle which she is living .She too likes him .she always search for him whenever he is away .I don't want to seperate them.But I feel like my life is ruined.also I don't have the guts to walk away because of my child.this worry constantly kills me everyday.this home never feels like my home.He is a corpse no emotion. He never cared even if I had c section .he never talks to me if his mother is around .when I should him my c section scar yesterday he was watching movie and didn't bother and continued watching the movie . He does dishwashing and watches my child now and then that's all he does .no hug no kiss .never shares anything about the future or the investment or any plan.he doesn't have anything to talk with me.i always give ten folds more of love if I receive 1 fold .I was that type of a girl when I got married .even for our engagement I gifted him with airpods he didn't give anything the next day he posted in story the airpods never wrote I bought for him .I felt so sad ..it was like he bought.then on wedding day he gifted me a watch .then for my first birthday after marriage he didn't do anything.but I gave him a surprise with the photos that we both took like a hanging wall photo collage.then going forward I felt nothing .I realized I'm always a giver.and felt am never going to receive anything so I stopped being excited for his birthdays or anniversary's .no one should ever live a life like me.Love is the base for all relationships.if we don't have that base even if they give u money that doesn't make any sense .by the way this is just our 4 th yr of marriage and am just 29 he is 32.

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User Profile: AsherTree
AsherTree June 1st

Wow! @sensitiveApple768

It sounds dreadful.  You paint a cold dark picture of your life...

I hope you decide to find an alternative life because I doubt you deserve to be neglected dealing with a unloving person..

But it's odd why you married him, I imagine he played pretend with you at first to trap you in this marriage. 

May you find a greater life someday,  take care🌟

2 replies
User Profile: sensitiveApple768
sensitiveApple768 OP June 1st

It's a arranged marriage

1 reply
User Profile: sensitiveApple768
sensitiveApple768 OP June 1st

Thanks for reading my long post

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User Profile: RedOceanSun
RedOceanSun June 1st

@sensitiveApple768

First of  al I like your nickname :}

But still reading, it's too long for poor English learners like me :} I 'll cope!

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