Feeling like I'm drowning
Navigating my partner's mental health on top of her physical health is taking a toll on me even more so when I have no support system. I left my home state and family and friends behind to move in with her ( we were long distance for a year ) and have gone through her manic episodes multiple times ( she is diagnosed bipolar 2 and her medication isn't absorbing the way it should). All I've wanted out of a partner is to be loved the way I love and lately I'm the one doing basically everything. I help and support her any way I can, including being a parent to her level 2 autistic child on one income and bills are falling behind. Everyday I feel like I walk on eggshells because if something is said a way she doesn't like it becomes a fight. Our sex life is basically nonexistant and probably will be. It's been hard on myself because I am a physical touch type of person and she's pulled back even hand holding or hugs or kisses. I feel more like a roommate than anything now and when it comes to even attempting to carry a conversation about how I feel she disassociates or changes the subject entirely. I worked so hard to get myself to be vocal and communicate and having to bottle everything up again is eating at me every day. Any way she responds is aggressive and hostile and I understand her frustrations with everything going on with her health but I can't be a punching bag forever. I've tried ending things but she's threatened ending her life several times and due to my legal status if she were to actually follow through with it I for one don't want that guilty conscience if she does not only that if I become a scapegoat if she does my life here is screwed. I can't find a therapist and have been trying because I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.
@ijustbeworkingfoo
I'm so sorry you are struggling so much.
You matter too.
Your needs are as valid.
I get that she's going through alot but that's never a justification for her to threaten her life, that's not fair on you at all, to be so manipulative.
I know what you mean, on our hard days, a hug and a kiss just soothes.
Are there any support groups you could get emotional support from at least?
You can't carry it all.
And it's not fair that she doesn't listen 💙
She has so many health complications and I understand her stress is at an all time high, but at the same time I kind of feel like I'm just being left in the dirt. Her health was not as declining as it was a year ago and I fully get that time changes things. When I was first flying out to see her at the beginning of our relationship things were better though, like she made efforts to be more clingy and affectionate and now it's like I'm just...here and it sucks.
