Feeling like shit after being cheated on 😭

So.. it's been exactly one year since I got married to one of my ex colleagues. 5 years since we know each other.

I never had any feelings for him but he has so consistent and nice over the years, and I fell head over heals for him.

One year after the marriage, I started to feel something was off.

He started to act strange and give prority to his friends, family, and work.

Before that, he never left my side and was over jealous (like if we re on a plane, and there s a guy in the seat next to me he d make a *** of an episode about that).

He started to manipulate me to the point where I had no life, no friends, nothing... fortunately I still have my family and job that pays really well.

I gained 20 kgs over the 1 year of marriage, took care less of myself, and that s when everything started going well for him, changed his lifestyle, started to dress up, doing all the things I did before.

When I felt something was off, I went through his phone, and found out he has 2 numbers blocked. when I searched the numbers on google, well, they were escorts.... I felt like ***, hated my self, questioned everything.

I confronted him about that, and he told me I was crazy and that he doesn't know who numbers those were... afterwards we stopped talking and he sent me a text where he says literally :"im sorry, I don't want this to end like that. I called my cousin to talk to him about what happenned, and he told me it was him that used my phone to call the escorts. Sorry about how I acted, but I felt really bad about your wrong accusations".

I knew it was a lie deep down. I asked him for a call log from the phone company, and we agreed it was the only way to prove if he cheated or not (even though everything was clear...).

He agreed and sweared there will be nothing in the calls log.

We received the calls log one week after that, and it turned out there were many conversations while we were both home and just ONE month after the marriage.

Everything went downhill after, he never gave me a proper answer, started ignoring me, never callinh me. And the final answer from him was : "Im tired, it's been already two months you feel about it, you won t believe me, I never cheated on you. And i'm fed up with you being depressed."

Me, desperate to save the marriage, or the love I thought he had for me, I begged him to stay and to work things out, and that Ill never bring it up again

.

One month after, I found a receipt of a Taxi app on a second mail adress he created (I know it wanst for him).

When I confronted him, he said he doesnt know what im talking about, while it was in his email.

After I showed him the proof, he started yelling about me going through his phone, and that he just paid a taxi for a colleague and that he didnt say the truth because he knew how Id react. 5 minutes after that, he told me :" you see I told you, it wont work out, you know what? I dont lovr you anymore" while just two months before me discovering, he didn't stop telling me how much he loves me, and that we should have kids.

This killed me, in an attempt to save the marriage again (huge mistake I reckon), desesperate, I offered him great sex, because it was the only thing calming him down, and then I felt disgusted about it, and my self, and my self worth.

I changed my mind soon after anf told him no there will be no sex.

He started punishing for changing my mind and that was what made me realize : what is wrong with me? He shattered my heart, and punishes me for feeling bad about?

That s also when I started sleeping in a separate room, deleted all our pictures, and distance my self.

I know it s the right thing to do, but im so hurt and he seems to not give a damn and it kills mr every day more.

Can you please give me advice on how i can move on?

What makes it really hard to move on is that he was the most loving husband, helping in everything, never complains about my many visits to my family. But.

As soon as the affair was discovered, it was like he never loved me, he completely changed.