Feeling lost without him

Me and my bf broke up. I was the problem, I was letting my trust issues and emotional regulation problems and insecurities get in the way of us, and we had a really bad fight where I yelled at him and stormed off etc. He told me that there might be a chance for it to work in the future, but that we should be in no contact for right now. We agreed to touch base again in a couple weeks. I just feel so confused because he said that nothing that happened during our fight was unforgivable, that he forgave me, that he cares for me so deeply and has never felt this way for anyone before, and he told me he was so happy in a relationship with me. But I think he feels I was too dependent on him and not communicating well. I’m trying to use this time to grow and learn how to be ok with being alone, but I have no friends right now and other than calling my mom I have no one to talk to. I’ve never felt so sad or lonely before, and I feel so anxious about what will happen with us. I don’t understand why he would feel so strongly for me but not want to work on our issues together rather than breaking up. I started going to therapy, I haven’t texted him, I stopped smoking weed, I’ve been trying to reach out to old friends. I’m so serious about growth, and I know I need to do it for myself but I want him with me to see it. I can’t help but not think our story is over. I miss him so much, I never felt so happy in a relationship before or felt such a strong connection to someone. I’m scared that when we talk again I’ll have to go through this all over again.