Feeling really vulnerable and unsure in a new relationship
Feeling really vulnerable and unsure in a new relationship
Hi everyone,
I’m feeling really confused and emotional about a situation with someone I’ve been dating for about a month. I’m 30 and he’s 45. We’ve gone on around 13 dates so far, and when we’re together in person things feel really good. We have strong chemistry, we talk, laugh, and he can be affectionate. Sometimes when we’re together I feel very connected to him.
Recently we became physically intimate, and I think that made me feel even more emotionally attached to him. The problem is that after that happened, I started feeling very vulnerable and unsure of where I stand.
He has told me he enjoys spending time with me, and we also talked about being exclusive. However, he hasn’t officially called me his girlfriend, and sometimes I feel like he struggles to communicate emotionally. He’s not very expressive with words.
The last few days have been hard for me emotionally. He started work again, so his texting has been different and less frequent than before. I also noticed he hasn’t planned a new date with me yet this week. That made me start overthinking everything.
Today he mentioned he’s going to a group dinner event where people meet strangers (a social app event). He said it casually in conversation. I tried to respond supportively and wished him a good time, but inside I felt hurt and insecure.
Part of me wonders if I’m overreacting. Another part of me feels like maybe I’m not important enough for him to prioritize spending time with me.
I also regret having sex with him because I don’t feel emotionally validated right now. It makes me worry that maybe the chemistry between us was mostly physical.
Tonight I ended up crying because I started thinking that maybe I’m not enough for him. I know that sounds dramatic, but that’s honestly how I felt in the moment.
I’m struggling with a few questions:
Am I overthinking this situation?
Is it normal for someone to take longer to make plans early in dating?
How do you deal with feeling emotionally vulnerable after intimacy?
How can I stop tying my self-worth to someone else’s actions?
I do care about him, but right now I feel confused, hurt, and angry at the same time. I don’t want to sabotage something that could be good, but I also don’t want to keep feeling anxious like this.
Any perspective or advice would really help.
Thank you for reading.
@pinkScarf1857
You are absolutely not over reacting.
It's not acceptable that after you've been intimate, he's gone colder, and is not clear about plans etc, you have a right to be heard and to communicate freely how you are feeling.
I wouldn't rush to be intimate with him again, until he can make you a priority and have the decency to hear how you are feeling , you deserve to be happy , never pretend for anyone 🩵
Hi @pinkScarf1857
Just want to let you know that everything you are feeling is valid and never let anyone tell you otherwise. You are NOT ovethinking, on contrary everything you are thinking is totally normal. Now giving him the benefit of the doubt maybe he is busy with work because you said you actually felt a connection with him. Why not try asking him out? Plan something be honest and tell him you miss him. Then wait to see how he responds if he truly cares he will set a date/agree.
For your second question I am not sure if you mean long term or short term plans. But either way yes it is normal some guys/girls are very straightforward while others take their time. I can see why you are worried since he was the one making all the plans before and suddenly has taken a step back. But keep in mind both men and women are similar, after intimacy. He just might be thinking how not to ruin what ya'll have/started.
Again it is completely normal to feel this way. But in all honesty the best way to deal with it is being honest with him. I know you mentioned that he struggles to open up emotionally but I am sure if you nudge him and be upfront about what you are going through, it will make you feel better. Depending on how he responds you will know the truth, if he is really serious or just playing.
SELFWORTH. You have to separate the facts. I know its hard to do but its the best way. You put yourself out there, gave it your all. He pulled you in and made you think yall were on the same page. Yall were intimate and it was HIM not you that decided to pull away for whatever reason he gives you. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. So there is no reason his actions should affect how you feel about yourself. If anything it should be him that feels ashamed.
But I think you should invite him out and just talk about it. Be direct. It will force him to do so as well and if you can tell he isn't that is also an answer. Stating you deserve better. 💓
Hi @pinkScarf1857
Just want to let you know that everything you are feeling is valid and never let anyone tell you otherwise. You are NOT ovethinking, on contrary everything you are thinking is totally normal. Now giving him the benefit of the doubt maybe he is busy with work because you said you actually felt a connection with him. Why not try asking him out? Plan something be honest and tell him you miss him. Then wait to see how he responds if he truly cares he will set a date/agree.
For your second question I am not sure if you mean long term or short term plans. But either way yes it is normal some guys/girls are very straightforward while others take their time. I can see why you are worried since he was the one making all the plans before and suddenly has taken a step back. But keep in mind both men and women are similar, after intimacy. He just might be thinking how not to ruin what ya'll have/started.
Again it is completely normal to feel this way. But in all honesty the best way to deal with it is being honest with him. I know you mentioned that he struggles to open up emotionally but I am sure if you nudge him and be upfront about what you are going through, it will make you feel better. Depending on how he responds you will know the truth, if he is really serious or just playing.
SELFWORTH. You have to separate the facts. I know its hard to do but its the best way. You put yourself out there, gave it your all. He pulled you in and made you think yall were on the same page. Yall were intimate and it was HIM not you that decided to pull away for whatever reason he gives you. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. So there is no reason his actions should affect how you feel about yourself. If anything it should be him that feels ashamed.
But I think you should invite him out and just talk about it. Be direct. It will force him to do so as well and if you can tell he isn't that is also an answer. Stating you deserve better. 💓