First heartbreak

Last week my girlfriend broke up with me.

We had been dating for 3 1/2 years. She was my everything. Constantly on my mind. I'd drop everything I was doing if she asked me for help or hang out. She was my world. I miss her a lot. Last Friday night she texted me asking if she could call. I waited 30 minutes to respond because I kept telling myself if she wants to get back together I need to hold my ground so that I can grow myself. I called her and she wanted to say what she couldn't the day she broke up with me. She was crying so hard over the phone, I had to stop her a couple times so she could catch her breath. She said she still loves me and wished that it never happened but it needed to so that we could both grow. l agreed with her on that one even though it hurt. She did say that she wouldn't be opposed to maybe in the future, catching up and see if it would still work out. She asked if i hated her. I don't think it's possible for me to hate her. I was honest and told her no.

She told me I'm a really good guy and that no one should think different. She made that point clear a couple of times. She has a little sister who viewed me as a brother and she told me she couldn't even tell her. Her mom is also heartbroken. She was like a second mother to me and I do miss feeling how welcomed I was.

So that was Friday. Saturday I tried taking my mind off of her. I've been going to the gym consistently and listening to podcasts but nothing seemed to ease that pain.

Sunday was a really tough day. I went out with my cousin to watch the game and get a couple of drinks. I told him everything that went down. He told me that if I have anything to say, it's better to leave no stones unturned before I regret it. Maybe I had a few too many and I texted her when I got back home asking if I could call later that night to get some stuff off of my chest.

She accepted and called me. Instantly I was in tears. I couldn't hold myself together and told her I wish this was just long break and not a breakup. I wrote a letter and read it to her over the phone. She said she was surprised because of the conversation we had on Friday. But she said that she'd give it 2 months to see where we both are. If we've grown and if she feels that she could reconnect with me. She also said it would be a fresh start, not a do over. We then set plans to trade the rest of our stuff the next day. I went over with a box of her stuff and a note to her mom thanking her for what a beautiful daughter she has and how loved I felt around their family. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead and told her to be strong for me, and l'll do the same. Since Monday I've been a wreck. I'm still going to work and hitting the gym after. I've been journaling and reading a book called atomic habits. But this anxiety I feel is too much for me. If anyone has any advice or just thoughts on what I'm going through. Please don't be afraid to respond.