Grief in a relationship
hello, I’m Whitney. I’m new and I’m looking for advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 3 years now. We haven’t had a perfect relationship. I alone have made many mistakes but I try daily to make up for those mistakes. I love him and I would do anything in this entire world for him. He says he loves me but his actions are opposite. Most days he don’t even acknowledge me. He blames it on how he was raised. Says he didn’t grow up watching his parents be affectionate. Well anyways his mom is his world. Anyone that knows him knows that his mom is his rock and what holds him together. Well she passed away 3 days ago and our lives haven’t been the same since. He’s became so mean to me. Not physically but just screaming and breaking everything in the house and threatening me and bringing up my past mistakes and trying to fight about anything and everything. I mean literally something I done 2 years ago he’s bringing it up and yelling at me for it and I don’t understand. He’s nice to everyone else except me. I was really close to his mother and I took care of her. She was on oxygen and needed help getting around and doing things and I basically committed my life to taking care of her and I didn’t care one bit. I loved her. She was an amazing woman and always treated me like her own. I don’t understand why he’s so mad at me. I’m on his side and I’m not his enemy. He tells me every day that he hates me and he doesn’t love anything about me and tells me to stay away but a hour later he’s mad because he says I’m not there for him. I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never lost a parent so I don’t know what he’s going through but my heart breaks for him and I want to be there for him but he tells me to stay away and threatens things like “if you come home I’ll break your neck”. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help him and be there for him. Seems like no matter what I say or do, I’m an idiot, I’m stupid, I’m worthless, etc. please any advice would be appreciated. I don’t want to lose him. I love him and want this relationship to work but I can only take so much..
My mama passed away about a year ago and for the first few months I did have more of a temper than normal. Normally I really don’t have a temper at all but it’s like I had zero patience and any little thing would just be too much. I was a little surprised by that actually but grief is weird I guess. I would never have hurt anyone though. If your boyfriend is physically threatening you that doesn’t sound like a safe situation for you to be in. That’s understandable that you want to be there for him but if it’s not safe for you then maybe you should stay somewhere else for awhile.
@Whitneyb
Heyy there... I'm really sorry you're going through such a difficult situation. I can tell you care deeply four your boyfriend, but it's important prioritize your own well-being.
His mother sounds like a wonderful woman, and he had love her a lot, her passing must have really took a toll on him. While understandable, it doesn't give him the right to treat you the way he does.
In this situation, it's important that you consider your well-being and your safety is your top priority. Verbal threats and aggressive behavior are not acceptable, regardless of circumstances.
It might be helpful to encourage him to a therapist maybe or counselor who can help him navigate his grief and anger in a healthier way.
You can't control his action, but you can control how you respond. Encourage him to seek help but also take steps to protect yourself.
Remember, you're not alone in this. You've got support right here.
Stay safe always. Best wishes to you 💜
@Whitneybyou you said "want this relationship to work", problem is you can break it alone but you can't make it work alone. he has to be equally interested and invested in making it work.