Help and advice

I am married, and there have been multiple incidents in my marriage that have deeply affected my trust.

The first time, a girl contacted me on *** and sent me screenshots of chats between her and my husband. This was how I first found out that he had been talking to another girl in a way that crossed boundaries.

The second time, I discovered that my husband had shared his phone number with another girl on *** and had conversations with her.

The third time, I found a girl’s number saved in his phone. The contact had a very close picture of him with that girl, and the contact name was saved with a heart. This incident hurt me deeply because it felt very intimate and personal.

After these incidents, my husband apologized. We talked about it, and he promised to change. Since then, there have not been similar incidents, and things have supposedly “settled.”

However, even though he has apologized and we are trying to move forward, I notice that I still feel triggered easily. In many discussions, especially when jokes or comments involve other women, I become reactive. I sometimes make sarcastic remarks or taunts related to his past behavior.

He feels that I insult or humiliate him, especially during arguments. From my side, I don’t intend to disrespect him, but I realize that unresolved hurt and insecurity come out in the form of taunts.

I am struggling to understand why I keep bringing up the past indirectly, even though I want peace in my marriage. I want to rebuild trust, but I still feel emotionally triggered and unsafe at times.