Home vs. The outside world

I've noticed how outside, people treat me vastly better. My class is significantly nicer. It all comes as a shock to me in that moment. I try to savor it for as long as I can, even after it's over. 

But at home.. it's such a stark difference. I begin feeling insecure. My sense of self-worth goes down. I even start downplaying or rejecting my own positive traits.. like, when I feel like I have a fun personality, I say no, that's not true. Let me not fool myself here.

The contrast is so sharp. I feel unwanted.. unimportant.. insecure.. but outside? It feels like everyone is the nicest in the world! Like today, someone came and offered to help me carry my bags because they looked heavy, which that took me by such surprise. I stopped and told them no but thank you and kept thinking about them afterwards.

It just makes me think.. where was all this worth all along? I'm still struggling to come to terms with the thought that my family is the anomaly, not the norm.

I guess I just wanted to share this sad realization that I've come to during my healing journey.