How do you handle this?
I recently got started into a serious “situation ship” last month. Things have been going great. We are taking things slowly. I’ve met her kids (ages 13, 19, 23) and her mother (albeit very briefly). Her siblings know about me but I haven’t met them yet as we are still kind of early on and she says her brothers are very protective of her.
With that said, she divorced only two years ago and her fathers health is declining very fast to the point that she is living there to help her mother take care of him. He is basically on his last days and she is very emotional about the thought of her father passing. I’ve been doing what I can to empathize and offer her support. The one thing that I’m not sure about is how to be there for her when that day comes, especially for the funeral (if there is going to be one). I feel like and want to be there by her side but out of respect for her and her family I don’t want to be some stranger that suddenly appears in their lives at such a sensitive time. I want to talk to her about it but I’ve learned that she does not like talking/want to talk about her father’s imminent future.
@1in8billion,
you've been supportive so far.
Now leave it up to her and her family whether you'd be invited to the funeral or not.
Don't mention it, don't refer to it, no suggestions. Just see what happens.
And hey, if you're not invited don't take it personal as it isn't. And afterwards, don't go like "I wish I had been there".
@1in8billion I don't think you have to worry about that, once it will happen naturally. Time will go by, and I think that if you check on her ofter, she can transmit you (herself) what she feels confortable with. Ask her always what you can do for her, whats the best for her in the present moment. talking about the future may be difficult in these situations.
For instance, in the day of the funeral showing to her that you are confortable with being present and also not being on the funeral, and that you will do what's best for her in that difficult moment.
Wish you the best
@1in8billion Hi, there, how is everything?
You gave out some red flags already: "situationship", siblings, her father's health issues down the hill - unfortunately - etc. You could ask yourself if you really want to stay with her. Yes or no, you call the shots and make a move. Whenever I needed to talk about my grandmother's health issues - she died of Alzheimer's disease - I just did. Course I didn't feel comfortable expressing my emotions to everybody, but to tight friends, I surely did. I don't find healthy not to talk about future plans without her father to you. My grandmother raised me like a son, she was all I had, she was my reason to live, and I could still think about my future without her, and share plans for the future after her passing away with close friends and wife, even though it was tough.
That must be such a rough patch for her. But it's not your family, I'm sorry to put it this way.
Don't take longer: the more time passes by, the more you get stuck, the more the ties that bind you to her, her family and her relatives will strengthen, escalate, and eventually it will be harder for you to leave, if that's what you'll want.
Hope you find the most appropriate solution to your situation, on your terms, for sure.
Cheers.
