I don't know how to do this

I have a problem. I have to watch porn all the time and relieve myself just to focus sometimes. That has lead to conversations online with people or potential AI bots to idk improve my self esteem maybe. There are times I feel worthless and undesired by my significant other. We have 2 beautiful children together and have been together for 10 years I'll turn 30 in January of the coming year. I don't want a physical relationship with any of these persons online. I don't even want to have a conversation with them and when I do I don't know why I'm even entertaining the thought process and I resent myself for it, hate myself even. That's not enough to keep me from doing the very thing I can't stand. Why is this happening to me. Have I watched porn for so long that I've literally hurt my own mind? I want to feel connected to my fiance and sometimes I just feel so small and over looked like my needs don't matter even tho she is an amazing home builder and takes care of my family non-stop. I don't want to feel worthless anymore. I want to be happy again, and not just with my man hood out. I want to be the person everyone expects me to be but I can't turn off the sexual thoughts that kick start the problem. Any thoughts welcome.