I don't know how to fix
Since I was a kid I've had relationships end badly hard to trust an get past feelings of insecurities. I lost my wife a few years back through divorce when I caught her cheating on me. Wasn't the first time I've been cheated on by someone an that seemed to have stuck with me through other relationships. I've been with a wonderful great woman for the past 3 years but I'm having really hard time with that seeings all I've been doing is accusing an trying to prove she's gonna do the same an worst part is in my heart I know damn well she wouldn't an it's causing me to break her heart an I don't know what to do to stop my stupid head from accusing her... anyone have any advice how to stop being so stupid
@jpst Sounds like you could be easier on yourself. I've certainly been hard on myself in the past.
You've been hurt before. That kind of pain reverberates. The behavior is a symptom, not so much the problem.
As far as advice, sitting with the feeling has worked well for me https://ibb.co/HPV20QS
Not trying to control or repress or resist feelings.
@jpst
Hi, I might not be experienced enough to have a proper say on the subject, but I've had my fair shares of lessons after breakup that I thought might help you.
It appears to me that the most troublesome aspect in your current relationship is the lack of trust and/or insecurity that may be prompted from your last divorce and other relationships. It might turn you into a self-fulfilling prophecy, as it once did to me. The problem in of itself doesn't lie in you or your partner - I wouldn't call your insecurities a problem, though - but that it stems from your traumas. The good news is now that you realize your mistakes, you still can fix things.
My advice is to build up trust again with your partner. If possible, I do hope that you guys have the time to sit down so you can communicate your insecurity to her. Be open and let her know what you are afraid of. I'm sure she'll understand. Try not to "fix" her and whatever of her that might convince you that she is cheating on you, learn to accept it, and/or convey that it bothers you so both can come to a compromise. Also, in case you are too fixated on her and nothing else in life beyond work and whatnots (as it happened to me), find a hobby that both of you can spend your shared time with each other. Remember as well that even in a relationship, it is healthy to have private, personal time for oneself.
Sitting it out may help temporarily, but it won't solve the problem. Trust me, I know.
I hope all the best to you and your partner.
I want to 1st say I'm proud of your for acknowledging your faults and why you are this way. Many people choose to ignore it or blame their partner for everything so well done so far.
You already made a big leap to improvement all U have to do now is build trust.
Try understanding that not everyone is the same. Unfortunately it happened to you more than once but your new partner seems to be different. However, if u keep expected the worst your relationship may turn toxic. Cherish what u have and let go of the past pain. They happened for the good reason of allowing u to meet your current partner. They weren't worth it but now u are in a relationship that is.
Communicate to your partner how u feel and hopefully they understand that u are still healing.
Tell them that u are willing to heal from this but u need time.
Lastly, heal.
Easier said than done. You can find many online articles on this topic about how to heal and sometimes just your partner reassuring you can get the job done. Just try to also be secure and happy with your own self so that your aren't solely dependent on them.
Good luckkk.
