I feel empty in this relationship now

I am a 27-year-old woman, and my partner is 32. Disclosing our ages might help in understanding the issues I’m going through. I have been in a long-distance relationship for three years.

Everything was fine in the beginning. We dated for 1.5 years and decided to get married. He then proposed to me. However, after I became his fiancée, I saw a completely different and dangerous side of him. He started drinking regularly and became abusive. Eventually, I broke up with him and called off the wedding. We had no contact for about three months, but then he started begging me for forgiveness.

There’s an important point I’d like to add: At the beginning of our relationship, I told him that I had a trigger related to alcohol (my dad is an alcoholic). I also shared my mental health condition with him and asked for some time. I told him that during this period, I just wanted to observe him to understand him better, as I wasn’t ready for marriage yet.

However, this period is not going the way I expected. Maybe he isn’t drinking regularly anymore, but he is showing other concerning behaviors.

• He jokingly abused me in front of his friends.

• He compared me to a porn star and told me to enlarge my breasts.

• Whenever I try to share my feelings, he ignores me and says I’m overreacting for no reason.

• He even made insensitive comments about my dad’s cancer.

His behavior isn’t the typical toxic or rude kind that’s easy to recognize. Instead, it’s masked with a polite tone and “I love you” statements.

He doesn’t want to leave me, but I feel empty now. I think it’s better to be alone. I have forgotten what real love feels like.