I feel like I'm being used and maybe gaslighted.
What do I do if my boyfriend only messages me when he wants attention? He doesn't really give much interest of how my feelings are but I always check on him and care for him. Only time it seems we talk is when he wants attention, wants to make me feel sad by guilting me, sometimes I feel like he's only using me to get n*des. I don't feel comfortable sending them because of my gender dysphoria.. but I'm just a people pleaser and stupidly soft hearted. I'm soft hearted from the point I have trouble saying no.. I don't know what to do, I love him but it just feels like I'm being used and in a way gaslighted. I have experienced toxic and manipulive relationships before where I have been gaslighted but I don't even know what to think anymore because I'm so scared.. I don't know what to do.. (sorry for the rant.)
@VTheDragon
Hello,
I truly appreciate you opening up and sharing your feelings. It takes a lot of courage to discuss something as sensitive as this.
I want to start by commending you for considering taking action. If you have the opportunity to access his phone, it might be a good idea to remove any compromising content before proceeding. Your well-being is important, and protecting yourself is a priority.
You've noticed something really important – you are feeling unsafe and unheard in your relationship. I'm genuinely sorry that you're facing this tough situation; I can only imagine how challenging it must be for you.
You're also sensing that things aren't right in how you're being treated, and it seems like you want to address it. Can I ask what might be making it hard for you to end things?
And please know that you don't need to apologize for
sharing your thoughts – this platform is here precisely for that reason.
Your feelings are important and deserve to be acknowledged.
I feel like it's hard to end the relationship because I'm so soft hearted, I want to end things because I feel like this isn't working out but with my past relationships I have had, everytime I end a relationship I get called names, get blamed for it all and it doesn't do me so well mentally. Part of me knows I should end the relationship but at the same time part of me also thinks I can fix this but this has been going on for a bit now. I can't seem to bring the courage to end things. I feel unheard, I feel like he never considers my feelings or emotions.
@VTheDragon0
I know this can be really tough, especially if your feelings weren't understood and acknowledged before. It's hard when you're blamed for a relationship not working out, but remember, it takes both people to make it succeed.
You probably already know
this, but you can't change someone who doesn't see their own problems.
Trying will likely just bring you more pain. :(
Taking this step is a big deal, so make sure you're really ready. For me, even though it hurts, thinking about how I managed without that person for most of my life helps. It might also help to get ready for possible problems or backlash. If they keep calling, you can block them or just not pick up. And if you think you'll be sad at night, finding things to do can help. I for example watch shows or play games (excessively).
Do you have a
friend or family member who could be there for you or help you get your
things? Having someone by your side could really help you to get the
courage to do this.
I don't really have any friends, I do have family though. I appreciate the support a lot. 🥺
@VTheDragon0
Good friends are hard to come by. Yeah, once you decide take a family member with you to support you.
I got told once to focus on the positive outcomes a hard decision will give me. So maybe also give a thought to the freedom and relief you might feel if/when you break things off. You already decided, all is left is to muster up the courage and do it. :)