I just broke up with my boyfriend

I just ended a relationship with someone 38 years older than me. When we first met, I didn’t fall for him right away, but the more we talked, the more I found myself falling in love. He changed my world. I used to be very reserved and scared of talking to people but he helped me open up. I truly loved him.

He helped me try new things, and I changed a lot because of him. But even though I loved him deeply, he hurt me often. Still, we always talked through things. And whenever he made me feel terrible, just one hug from him could calm everything.

Before I moved in with him, we were so happy. I visited him every day from evening visits to spending all day with him. But even during those good times, I cried often. He cried too when he saw me cry, and I felt so sorry for him. We had many beautiful memories together.

He might have narcissistic traits (NPD). I tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn’t listen. He said hurtful things, but I told myself to understand him. I couldn’t change him, so I kept trying to change myself instead.

He gave me gifts every month and always paid for our meals. He made me love him deeply, but I often wondered if he truly loved me back. We were only together for 7 months.

4 days before the breakup, I asked him: “Is there someone else? Are you having fun with someone?” I told him, “Just tell me if you want to be with someone else, I’ll be okay.” He said no, that I was the only one. And I believed him.

Then we argued about one of his classes. He was chatting with a student in a way that felt off. I translated the conversation and it didn’t feel appropriate, so I recorded the class. He told me not to, but I said no. After that, he didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

We were silent for two days. Then I told him I would go back home. He just said, “Okay, I’ll pay for it.” That hurt more than I expected. Usually he’d ask to talk first. The truth is I didn’t really want to leave. I just wanted to talk to him.

When I left, I still hoped we could talk. I sent him a message, but he replied, “Let’s talk later.” That was always his answer. I cried all night. I’ve never felt so lonely and broken.

Even now, we still message each other. But I know he’s already looking for someone new. It hurts so much. I asked him, “Will you give me another chance?” He never answered.