I need comfort and advice

Hi Friends,

Two years ago I moved to a new country, I joined a dating app and met this guy, we saw each other for some time and we decided we wanted to make a relationship out of it. After a few month I found out he saw his ex while we were together, he apologised and said he only saw him in the time while we were not serous, I forgave gim. Time passed we did so many things together, we spent so much time together I got emotionally attached to him as I didn't even need to make some froends he was always the first person I went to for an advice. After 1 year he cheated on me with a girl he met on ***, I decided to break up with him but he apologised , cried and got so emotional, as I am emotional attached to him and loved him, i got weak and forgave him again but asked him to block the person and delete the number. Later we went on a holiday, I felt like he was being rude to me, he kept on bringing up fights over small things and one night we came from a restaurant and we agreed to go home to sleep, but he said he wanted to go out and take some more pictures, I was tired and didn't want to go also because he had been rude to me the whole day, he got angry and left. He left from 8pm and came back at 3am. I didn't talk to him or ask him anything whuch I think he felt guilty and he told me why he was late that it's because he met this girl and asked him to take pictures of her. I didn't want to ralk to him so I didn't add on anything, he saw that I was angry and he apologised . Later on when I was checking his recently deleted pictures in his phone I saw the girl he took pictures of, this girl was half naked and looked like a hooker. We had a fight over that and he promised nothing happened it was just pictures, I asked him to show me the chat of them since he had to send her her pictures but he quickly deleted the whole chat. I said I was done with him and he left. Later on he texted that girl to show her the chat's so he can show me but it all looked like it was all scripted. As weak as I am I forgave him again. In that kind of situation it's so hard to regain trust. I always wanted to check his phone and what he was up to and everutime I checked there was a similar case of girls he is texting from dating apps, he apologises and said itwas only in the days i said we were done because of the vacation incident but he never opens up and show me everything at once I always have to find out new things even if it was last month or the period where we weren't doing great.

so last night I was at his place after waching a movie, was tecting ny friends on ***, he always wants to see what I'm up to on my phone and I alliwed him but when I asked him to show me his phone he got annoyed and said why does it always have to be the same rhing, I told him cause he never gives me a reason to trust him and that it shouldnt be an issue as I always let him check mine. i went on his *** and I saw that he has been reacting to his exe's stories and never got a reply and when I reacted to that he said he thinks I should go home, mind you I don't even have his *** accound i don't follow him he has always been so secretive about it and I let him as we are alwys talking on whatsapp and we are always togetger ,so he took me home but on the way I was thinking that I will never talk to him again and that we are done. After he dropped me off I told him bye and that we are done. He left but today he called while crying and apologising of the way he acted that he was so stressed about work and that's why he reacted that way and he is willing to do whatever it take to get back with me, he is considering to aee couple therapy with me. I am so weak, him apologising makes me feel like I should forgive him yet I feel like that would be betraying myself cause Ibbeleive I deserve much better and I'm still young also no one deserves to be treated that way. Apart from that he has always been supportive regarding school and mentally. i am writting this seeking for advice and reasons why I should not forgive him this time. Please help me.