I need some advice-sharing screenshots
Hi I need some advice.
Now I'm kinda gonna have to summarise a bit cause it's kinda long but I'll try to include all the main bits . Basically I'm in a situation where my fiancé's family is blaming me for sending screenshots to them and saying I'm in the wrong. To give some more context for the past year I've been struggling in my relationship with my fiancé's anger issues basically when he gets frustrated or angry even if its out of proportion or something he made up he takes it out of me and says toe some really mean things / things you shouldn't say and then says later you know how I get when I'm angry I didn't mean what I said. But that usually comes when I talk to him about it bothering me not because he tries to rectify it . I also feel like he keeps putting blame on to me in most situations like even if he says something he says at times but if I didn't do this then he wouldn't have. Of course at times I also can swear or do things wrong at times but I feel like he goes too far or too often it's on me no matter whether he's wrong or not that I should fix the situation and come back. Recently there was a disagreement on a certain religious topic and he then went really intense over it and said that if I didn't change how I thought on it then he doesn't know if we can go forward. Baring in mind we already made a commitment to be with each other for me it was ridiculous to put it to that so quickly. And I feel like when he feels some type of way he just switches off him being together with me . And I've got to be honest I'm tired of it . It just feels like a lot of pressure like um having to convince him to think of me or that it will be okay without getting any progress or reassurance from his side. Of course this doesn't summarise our whole relationship but something u have real concern with. Everything kinda came to head a month ago where I came to him thinking our Netflix had been blocked and so I tried to call him, he didn't pick up and so I texted about how to change password etc. Later he got back to me saying that his brother might be on it. I have to admit this annoyed me because he never told me that he'd shared it and I don't give it put to others and I wouldn't without telling him first. I said then he can pay more if he wants to include but that I didn't know. He then took this as me coming for his family for some reason and then took it to somewhere else where he didn't want to have account with me etc which hurt me further cause I know it sounds stupid but we are long distance rn and though we didn't have a house or other things together this was the one thing we had that was just ours. He came back then saying payback kinda things that the next time I was sad he would remind me of this etc... and other things. Though this seems like a small argument maybe for me it was kinda my saturation point with it all and I couldn't go back to then talk to him. So I waited for him to talk and he didn't. So for 3 weeks not one message. Like I mentioned before there was that other disagreement where he said I should talk to his brother 'elder ' about this and also we talked with his sisters family friends on it . So I said to his brother we should talk. Everything got touch with over his behaviour for the past year and now he'd left it on me again. So I ended up writing a 8 page letter to his brother expressing my concerns with his behaviour and included screenshots. A little bit of context before all this happened we were meant to plan my birthday together but even back then he was like I don't know cause what if that oint is not agree on etc. My birthday is quite a hard time for me already for other reasons and so I always try to leave my home country and go somewhere new , I kinda had a bit of a break down over it . So during the 3 weeks I had a choice to make what to regarding my birthday and I didn't want to postpone booking it just because of him. And I wanted to try to still make the most of it so I booked a solo trip to a country next to his in the hope that maybe he might still come and it was relatively safe if I was to be by myself. Back then the document and forwarding to then after about a week after that to having a phone call with him and it basically turned into him having a go at me sharing screenshots and airing him to his siblings and how I made us look bad infrony of them and now they will just think negative of us. That I did really wrong in sharing screenshots and should have just generalised to them. He didn't once say about anything he'd done or rectify what I feel like its the main issue . Even after talking with his sisters and brother they all seem to be saying the same thing that it was wrong of me to have sent screenshots and basically on my birthday I thought that he might come and put it aside for a day so we could maybe talk in person but when he didn't I admit it hurt and I said to him "why aren't you here" this then spiraled into the whole conversation again where he blames me that I broke his trust and then by the end of the day he said he no longer wanted to be with me on my birthday. Obviously I was upset and called his sister and she was with his brother also , but they basically said to me that I shouldn't have shared and that why I went to travel alone if I cared I should have taken a trip to the country he was at instead to sort stuff out. I don't really know what I should feel like to be honest. I feel like the main issue and what pushed me to reach out for help in the first place has not been addressed at all and now it's about this instead and I didn't pick to go to his country because it was my birthday and I wanted to at least try to make it special and I was worried that the whole time it would just be arguments or this thing the whole timeand then what I would just be there. I also only shared to his brother and sister because I knew that no matter what they would love him and not hate him for anything but if I had sent this to my family then it would have been something else. Also they know him longest from same culture that they might be able to help because it got too much. But now they are all just thinking I did wrong and should apologise and make it better but I don't feel like any of my concern ls got addressed and I can't really forgive him for "breaking up" with me on my birthday. His family said to not stress and they will talk to me later about things and other one said its fine just argument. But I don't know was I really out of line in sending screenshots everywhere I've read said it's a real no no and that I broke his trust so am I to blame for all this . Can people give me some advice.
Hey Sky, it's clear you've given this a lot of thought and that it weighs heavily on your heart. It sounds like there's a lot going on here. I can hear your desire for input, but you are the expert on you. Only you can know the solution that's right for you. Focusing on being heard and supported may help, regardless of solutions. We're here to support you in finding the right approach for you. There are lots of resources in this community to help you navigate difficult moments with your partner and their family like self-guides, group discussions, and 1-on-1 chats with trained active listeners. Where feels like a comfortable place to get started?
@proactiveSky133
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of issues within your relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in a relationship, and it's not okay for your fiance to take his anger out on you or say hurtful things.
From what you've shared, it seems like there are some serious concerns about the health and longevity of your relationship. I would suggest taking some time to reflect on whether this relationship is truly meeting your needs and bringing you happiness. It's important to be in a relationship where you feel respected and supported...
Regarding the issue of sharing screenshots, it's generally advised not to do so without consent as it can breach trust and escalate conflicts. If you feel it's necessary, you could consider apologizing for any unintended harm caused by sharing the screenshots and explaining your intentions behind it, while also expressing that you were feeling overwhelmed and seeking support