I need your input and help!!!!

I’ve been with my husband for 16 years. We’ve been married for 4 and have. 3 year old daughter. We’ve been through a lot and I have made a lot of mistakes. I cheated at the beginning of our relationship and he has never truly forgiven me. He holds it over me and this come up in recent fights often.

He has a tendency to freeze me out when he’s mad and say very hurtful things. He recently said that my recent miscarriages he feels might be a sign to get out of the relationship and that we aren’t a good match. That cut me to core. Regardless, I love him and want this relationship to work.

2 weeks ago he got mad at me for a trivial thing (what to have for dinner). He yelled all sorts of things at me about finances, how I make him never feel good enough and more. Since then he has barely spoken to me and is sleeping on the couch.

This week I asked him to talk and he essentially told me that for 16 years I have made him feel like he isn’t good enough, I don’t appreciate him and what he does for the family and around the house. He said he overheard me talking to my best friends a month ago about our delays in building our dream home. I was expressing my frustrations with the 5 year (and going) process and feeling like it would never happen. He said that hurt him to the core and that he feels like we aren’t a team and that he can’t trust me. He said he doesn’t see a path forward for us, but “there’s a chance, like there’s a chance to win the lottery” that we could stay together. He said he can’t do anymore and if I want to look inside myself and make changes that’s what it’s going to take.

He has asked for space. I am trying to respect that, but at the same time how do I show him that he is appreciated and “enough” if we can’t even speak?

For my part - i do see how I hurt him. Although that was not my intention. I also see how he can feel unappreciated, I have gotten very comfortable in our relationship and have not put in the effort. Not that it’s an excuse but I work full time and do most of the child care. We don’t have date nights anymore - which we did weekly pre baby. I obviously want to save my marriage. I feel a little helpless and would really appreciate any comments. Support, suggestions, criticisms- I’m just trying to figure out how to be a better partner.