I regret giving my ex an ultimatum.
Hello there, I am 29 and my ex boyfriend is also 29. We grew up in different environment and culture. In my culture, we openly share about our past relationship. Well I don't know if it's just him or his culture, but he is not.
Last Valentine's Day, he mentioned that he had gained weight in the past relationship he had because they liked to go out and eat good food. That triggered me getting curious with her more. I know enough information about her but still asked some questions. He didn't wanna talk about it and he was getting uncomfortable. But I was insistent, I gave him an ultimatum if he wont answer, we are over. He didn't answer.
We had a talk yesterday, I apologized for not respecting his boundaries and I owned up to my mistake but he said maybe our personalities are not compatible to be in a relationship because my normal is different from his.I believe that compatibility decreases and increases over time. He said our fights are very unhealthy and I need to focus on myself more so I dont project my trauma and pain onto him. When therapy finishes, we can meet and talk again about us. I don't wanna get false hope or anything, but I do hope to rekindle things with him.
What should I do and say when we meet? I really would want my relationship to be fixed.
@Mika1211,
why would one have to talk about past relationships? The past is the past. Let the past be.
That's why I regret it so much. I realized that now. Can you advise me on what to do next?
@Mika1211,
as you said, when therapy finishes you will meet and talk.
So, nothing else you can do.
You said you are from different cultures.
So how you both navigate this difficulty is going to be a learning experience, And will give you valuable information whether you both have the tools to be in a long term happy relationship.
So how you figure this out, if you figure this out is your journey,
There is no right or wrong answer.
Can you both communicate how you are both feeling and see where you go from there?
There is no right or wrong here.
Your trauma and pain is a part of you and the relationship. We don’t get to pick and choose the bits we like about our partners. When you are in a relationship with me, you get the whole package which is the good and the annoying bits. And by the way we all have annoying, unpleasant aspects to ourselves.
So how comptable are we?
Go with your gut.
And if you are a female, have high standards, don’t fall into being a people pleaser.
You want to be with someone who adores you for who you are ( warts and all).
If it’s important for you to be someone who can openly speak about their past relationships, then that is it. Don’t compromise. There are lots of men out there who will talk about their past relationships.
Thank you so much, definitely things to consider!