Is my relationship over?
My boyfriend is moving out of his home with his ex wife and daughter tomorrow. He has been kinda emotionally unavailable and we've been in a weird space for the last few days. We talked about it today on the phone and he said be was going to be better at communicating. Well about 20 minutes ago he sent me this message "My last night here but you pick, sex or confrontation" and then "Well that sucks." that were obviously meant for his ex. Im shaking. Im heartbroken and I don't know what to do.
@sincereDog6998
From my experience, when you meet someone with a complicated story, it's essential to check if he or she is really no longer emotionally or sexually in their previous relationship (though sharing some physical space, like the same neighbourhood, apartment or workplace may happen). I think it's a basic safety measure.
At first glance it looks like the guy was heading for double benefits, but may be going for a double loss instead.
Considering that you are a lady who can respect herself, in such a situation you may have at least several choices:
1) Assuming that everything is clear now, blocking his telephone number and never seeing him again.
2) Showing or sending him a screen of the message and asking for an explanation (seeing if his communication skills improved).
3) Expecting from him to explain the entire situation as possible misunderstanding.
4) Acting as if nothing happened.
5) Apologizing to him for accidentally receiving and reading a message that was not addressed to you.
For many people their choices in such a situation could be clear and made almost automatically - but it may be not so clear if you have any previous experiences of being mistreated, disrespect, gaslighted, rejected, harmed or abused.
It also depends on your priorities: is you main concern being respected and treated as the one and only, or is it keeping this relationship, at any cost?
Also, harnessing this person's guilty feeling could give you some control over him. But what would be the reason to stay with someone who plays not fair? And is control really what relationships should be build about?
