Is there hope and what can I do?

My boyfriend and I both love each other, but I feel like I’m emotionally exhausted and don’t know if I’m thinking clearly anymore. I’m genuinely looking for advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months, and our relationship moved really fast. Looking back, I think we skipped a lot of the normal dating phase and jumped straight into trying to build a life together. At first, everything felt effortless. We were constantly laughing, sending each other memes, being completely ourselves, eating together, watching funny movies, and just enjoying each other’s company. We weren’t doing elaborate dates—we just genuinely liked being around each other.

Then things slowly started changing.

We’ve had a lot of serious conversations, disagreements, and periods where we’ve both questioned the relationship. There have been times where he’s told me he doesn’t know if he sees a future with me or whether he could see himself marrying me because of where his head is at. Hearing that has been incredibly painful because I love him and have been trying everything I can to make this relationship work.

The biggest issue is that I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells. If I ask to spend time together, I worry he’ll feel smothered. If I text too much, I worry I’m overwhelming him. Because he needs space but he is so so unsure that he can find the “spark” that was lost.

Over time I started feeling like I had to suppress my own needs just to keep the peace. I don’t want to be clingy, but I also don’t think wanting to spend quality time with your partner is unreasonable.

There have also been things that have really hurt me that I don’t know if I’ve actually processed. The day before our 4month, he cheated on me. Then on our anniversary, he kicked me out. Since then it’s felt like constant emotional whiplash. We’d have moments where we’d reconnect and things would feel hopeful, and then suddenly I’d be questioning everything again. It’s been incredibly confusing emotionally.

We’re still together now, but sometimes I feel like I’m expected to move past those things before I’ve actually had the chance to heal from them. I feel like I have to put on a smile, act like everything is okay, and keep moving forward because we’re trying to rebuild. But inside, I’m still carrying a lot of hurt, and I don’t know if that’s fair to either of us. I don’t know how to heal while also pretending those moments didn’t affect me.

To be fair, I know I’m not perfect either. I’ve been pushy over bearing but it all comes from a place of love.

I’ve realized that a lot of my anxiety comes from being afraid of losing him, and I know that probably hasn’t helped. He’s acknowledged that he needs to get better at communicating instead of bottling things up until resentment builds. I know I need to manage my anxiety better and not constantly seek reassurance.

Recently our conversations have shifted from “Should we break up?” to “How do we actually build a healthy relationship?”

Neither of us really had healthy relationships modeled for us growing up. I honestly think we’re both carrying fears, expectations, and unhealthy habits from our past into this relationship. Sometimes it feels like we’re trying so hard not to repeat unhealthy patterns that we’ve forgotten how to actually enjoy each other.

I also feel like he has very high expectations for what a partner should be. I understand having standards, but I sometimes feel like he expects me to already be the finished version of myself instead of recognizing that people grow over time. To me, loving someone doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means understanding that two people are going to grow at different speeds. If both people are willing to communicate, take accountability, and genuinely improve, isn’t that what relationships are supposed to be?

Lately we’ve also realized that maybe what we’re missing isn’t another deep conversation. Maybe we just need to become friends again. We used to laugh constantly, be silly, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We’ve talked about intentionally bringing more fun back into the relationship instead of constantly trying to “fix” it.

At the same time, I can’t ignore everything that’s happened. I’m struggling to figure out whether we’re rebuilding something healthy or whether I’m convincing myself to overlook things that shouldn’t be overlooked.

So I guess my questions are:

Does this sound like a relationship that has a healthy foundation to rebuild on?

Is it possible to come back from cheating and all of the emotional ups and downs if both people genuinely want to grow?

Am I giving grace and compassion, or am I ignoring things that should be deal-breakers?

If you’ve been through something similar, what helped you know whether to stay or leave?

I’m not looking for people to tell me to immediately break up or stay. I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives because I care about him, I care about us, but I also don’t want to lose myself trying to save a relationship if the cost is my own emotional well-being.