Is this normal or toxic?

There’re SO many aspects of my almost 6 year relationship that are problematic. How do I know what’s abusive and/or unacceptable and what’s just normal turbulence in a long term relationship with another human bean? As a woman who values herself equal to men, it’s especially difficult to negotiate what’s objectively fair and what’s unfair but expected of me because of unfair social norms. Idk where to go because much of the internet (***, reddit) and even my therapist are quick to insist that I leave the relationship if it isn’t working for me BUT I feel like they don’t know the story or consider the very real cost of leaving an established and (while flawed) at least not dangerous relationship. Anyone else have events or aspects in their relationship like that? I’d appreciate others perspectives and, if people are interested, I’d like to start sharing those parts of my relationship here.