Life Is An Emotional Turmoil Right Now

In January, leaving a domestic violence relationship with my toxic narcissistic ex boyfriend and putting a restraining order on him. Then, he scratched up my godmother's vehicle and wrote some cruel stuff of her vehicle. Having constant anxiety, panic, hypoventilating, paranoia, stressing out, anxious, angry, sad, mad, frustrated, irritable, annoyed with everything and everybody lately. Calling off work when I'm not mentally and emotionally available to be around autistic children at all.

Then, I decided to get involved with my godmom's son's bestfriend who's going through a divorced with his wife at the time and now, he's officially divorced from her so then, we had our one last encounter before he discussed to end things because he was thinking about his ex wife doing what we're doing with another man and he feels disgusted. WOW! So I'm thinking how long have you felt like that? After our first encounter or after all our encounters but didn't tell me until I asked you a question though? But I've been asking him since day one, why has he been acting so weird, strange, and awkward around me and got my answer. When he could have told me after our first encounter and we would have been done with it and wouldn't been no more.

But my main question is why would you ask your friend to see if I liked you if you liked me but didn't want to get rejected if you came to me if you were going through a divorced with your wife. Why would you even flirt if you wasn't going to pursue me from the start? You wasted my time completely and I feel used and everything.

Ugh! Men these days! They don't know what they want or who they want.