Lost The Love Of My Life, Don't Know What To Do.

I loved one woman with everything I had for three years. She wasn’t just a girlfriend she was my universe, my sunshine, my dream of forever. She promised me eternity, to be there through thick and thin. She told me she couldn’t wait to start a life with me, marry me, and spend the rest of her days by my side. We shared moments that no one else could ever recreate memories, laughter, love. I truly believed she was my forever.

But I made mistakes. I won’t hide from them. I was angry, possessive, sometimes drunk. There were moments I spiralled because my insecurities took over. I wanted reassurance, not control, but I expressed it in ways that hurt her. I checked her phone, asked for cctv footage, wanted constant updates. Not because I thought she was cheating, but because my mind wouldn’t stop screaming at me with doubts.

There was one day she calls “sexual assault.” I will never accept that word because I never forced her I asked for her consent, she agreed, and halfway through I noticed she seemed uncomfortable, so I stopped immediately. But for her, it became something unforgivable. Even after that, we still had consensual intimacy many times, before and after. To me, it was a misunderstanding. To her, it became an accusation that cut me to the bone.

Once, in a moment of hurt and anger, I called her a word I deeply regret a ***. I’d never spoken to her like that before or after. But it happened because she deleted pictures of us that she had sent to a male friend before he could see them. It was our anniversary, and then I saw a friend of hers send her a 🥵 emoji on *** for a post posted on *** and I caught her speaking to her ex-boyfriend. I didn’t explode over that too, but the emotional poking and accusations for simply looking at her phone that night broke me. I got drunk, I lashed out, and I said things I wish I never had. That emotional tone took a toll made feel so *** up I became insane checked her phone twice in her presence and cctv. IK! I’m wrong I take complete responsibility but she drove me crazy.

Despite my flaws, I always tried to improve. I listened, adapted, and never ignored her feelings. Every fantasy, every boundary she shared I respected, unless my insecurities overpowered me. I admit my mistakes: I was angry sometimes, I was possessive, and I drank when I shouldn’t have. But I never stopped loving her, never stopped trying.

Then came February 2nd. She broke up with me. That’s when the real torture began not physical, but mental. Six months of being tested, accused of things I didn’t do, made to admit to things I never did. Six months without a single ray of hope. She made me walk on eggshells, kept making me “confess,” and pushed me into a state of constant mental agony.

She says she “put up with everything” my mistakes, my insecurities, my bad days but what about the pain she gave me? The humiliation in front of my mother, the endless accusations of cheating, the emotional starvation, the coldness, the way she slowly stripped away my self-respect until I barely recognized myself.

I relapsed once texted another woman when drunk not because I wanted anyone else, but because I was drowning and wanted to distract myself from the pain she gave me. She found out and waited a month, only to use it as another weapon to break me further. Then, she told my mom everything, blocked me everywhere, even on Spotify, and deleted our playlists. She cut off every point of contact so I could never reach her again.

She took screenshots for the things I have done and what I have not done and threatened to use them against me if I ever contacted her or any of her friends. Felt so betrayed I accepted her all those just so we could fix things.

And yet… I still love her. I still want her. I still dream of fixing it all. She has painted me as a villain a monster who destroyed everything. But I know my truth: I am a man who made mistakes out of fear and love, not cruelty. I wanted reassurance, not control. I wanted to protect us, not destroy us.

Now, I’m left with nothing but her memory her voice from that birthday recording where she said I was her entire universe. She said she couldn’t wait to marry me and annoy me forever. How does someone go from that to blocking me everywhere, forever?

I’m living by a thread. I’ve been in a state of mental torture for nearly a year. And the worst part? Even after everything, my heart refuses to let go. I still want to tell her I’m waiting. I don’t care if it’s two years, ten years, or eternity. I just want her to know the wait will be worth it.

I’m not asking to erase my mistakes. I’m asking for the chance to fix them. Because I believe if she truly loved me the way she said she did, she would have fought for us instead of torturing me until I broke.

I loved her with my whole being, I made mistakes out of fear, not cruelty, and now I’m left punished beyond what I can bear. She has erased me, but I’m still here, still waiting, still believing we could have been saved. That’s my story. That’s my pain. That’s my harsh reality.