Lovebombing vs Genuine Love: How do you know which?
There was someone I was with for over a year, and they showered me with love and affection every day and wanted to spend every waking moment with me. He always would do things for me (to the point where I wouldn't need anyone else), felt the need to always "protect" me, basically made loving me their entire personality. It felt amazing, he looked at me like I was the most important person in the world.
It's hard for me to look back on it because after something happened in his life, he went from spending all our time together to abruptly very little time together (like minutes and it was unpredictable). In hindsight I realize that he had to prioritize something but it wasn't communicated well to me. Everything was "I don't know" to every question I would ask. It was a very stressful time for me and my anxiety was quite high.
Eventually, he asks for space, something I was having a difficult time giving, but eventually I did but it seemed to be too late and he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. I I had no idea at the time that he was thinking about ending things and he never communicated that. I just felt completely discarded and was never given an opportunity to know what was upsetting him where I could fix things.
My feeling is that he has an avoidant attachment style, because there was a certain level of seriousness that was progressing with him,; on top of all the other things going on for him. However, we haven't spoken in over a year now and I can't help but look back and wonder was he genuine with me or was I being lovebomed...I don't know.
Have you guys ever been lovebombed before? Or question whether you were or not? How can you tell if someone really genuinely loved you? Especially if they never come back or even made an effort to fix things.
My impression is that love bombing is when someone drowns you in love and then immediately takes it away leaving you confused and desperately wanting that feeling and then back but they don't give it to you, I'm not sure if my understanding of that is correct, but that's what I felt.
@LenHeart
I think your understanding of love bombing might be quite good apart from one major thing: "love bombers" rarely choose to leave—they usually stay to consume the profit of their 'flooding you with love" behaviour.
And their behaviour is designed to be manipulative from the very start (avoidant people, even if they are trained psychologists, rarely have such an awareness).
I have never been on either side of love bombing, but I talked to people who experienced it. The idea of love bombing is—in a meticulously planned way and right from the start—to show off and overwhelm you with some behaviours. The love bombing behaviours are usually overblown, to the point of becoming suspicious, melodramatic or ridiculous.
Let's imagine the following scenario: A woman meets a man. They start to live together. Every day he wakes up at 5:00 to go for a fresh bread for her to a local bakery, despite the fact there is lot of stil good bread in the kitchen. Soon, there is her 39th birthday—but instead of just some flowers and kisses (and time spent together!) he bombs her with 39 big red roses and a piece of fur or expensive jewelry.
Then there is the turning point. Either one morning he is arrested by the police for drug dealing—he just needed a safe shelter, and the lady has given it to him. Or he wants to borrow some money from her to be used in his new idea for business. Or he starts beating her and becomes the only person who makes every decision in their relationship—whether to go for a party or not, how they should spend their free time, if she is "allowed" to go outdoors for shopping, or when they have sex.
The situation you described in my eyes resembles more closely getting bored, changing priorities and/or avoidance patterns.
An avoidant attachment style person can feel very excited at the very beginning, especially if he or she was lonely for some time before. But finally their true nature wins.
For example: I have been with an avoidant person who one day started to say thing like "We cannot meet because I have some backlog with my monthly horoscope vlogging activity" which wasn't an issue at all at the beginning of our relationship. And you suddenly fall from being among top 3 priorities in your partner's life to being outside top 10...
From my experience phrases like "I need some space" can be often translated as "I am no longer interested in being with you, but I want it to end slowly and silently, with no drama".
I believe walking on eggshells around someone is not a recipe for a good relationship, either... Being yourself (or the best _sustainable_ version of yourself) is.