My ex GF left me and I feel that it’s my fault

Hi guys, I’m newbie and I hope I will find some support here. Last year I broke up with my girlfriend. At February of 2024 I’ve lost my friend and my cat and my ex also lost her grandpa, cousin aunt and cat. We both were upset and didn’t felt good, but mine mistake was asking her for love and some support, which she wasn’t able to give. We argued but then she said that she forgave me and we forgot about this accident. But it was my thoughts. At last days of the May 2024, she said that we need to broke up. We were speaking for whole week. At this period she waited my decision and than 2nd June we met. She was so cold. As I find later she did it on purpose. Feeling this cold alive emotionally I decided to end this relationships. I regret about this decision next week and 1.5 months I was in a hard depression. I started drinking and losing control myself. Once, being drunk I recorded 7 minute voice massage when I was apologising, asking her a questions, and of course asked to get relationships back. After a short dialogue she blocked me everywhere. And now after 8 months I still feel the depression. I stopped uncontrolled drinking. I want to write her, to meet her, to speak with her at least once again. I want to write to her in ***(it only place where she forgot to block me), but i try to control it. I came here to share my story. If you want to ask me any questions, don’t be shy. I just want to speak with someone about it