My husband need space
My husband and I are about to end our 17 years of marriage, although I'm not 100% sure yet. He has been asking for space and time to heal because he says he's fed up with me.
From my perspective, when someone asks for space, it feels like they're ending the marriage. I'm struggling to understand whether asking for space truly means the relationship is over, or if there's still hope for us to work things out.
Has anyone been through a similar situation? I would really appreciate hearing your experiences or advice.
I hope you receive thoughtful and supportive responses. If you'd like, I can also make it sound more emotional or more neutral depending on the type of forum you're posting in.
Hi, I just read you and I'm sorry to hear what happened. 17 years is a really long time.
Personally, I'm not married yet and I still have a long way to go for that since I'm only 22, but I want to help you and I'll start by putting myself in your situation. I'll be both you and your husband at the same time to think with empathy.
Look, if I were in your situation and I were your husband, asking for time would mean that something happened that broke my interest and hope in the relationship. That I don't feel good in it and that it’s hurting me, or that I need to pause for a moment.
That hurts, but you should think about what caused it. Talk to him about this and you can do a retrospective together about things from the beginning and what led him to make this decision. I hope I’m making myself clear.
Now, if I put myself in your shoes, it’s harder because it hurts you and you don’t know or maybe don’t remember what caused it. Maybe for you it’s a stable marriage that you fought for despite everything, but you feel confused and very sad.
You just want to be with him as his wife.
So in the same way, you need to do a retrospective, either with him or on your own, to reflect on what happened.
In any case, the situation will continue if you don’t fix the differences or the mistakes that may have happened. Time doesn’t fix anything, that’s a myth. At least not time without action, okay? Because the emptiness can open the door to looking for other interests and the hope in the relationship can get stuck.
So talk with your husband, give him your opinion about asking for time itself. Do a retrospective together, offer that to him. And if everything goes well and he accepts it, it means he’s still interested and chooses you despite everything.
And if not, I’m so sorry, but you’ll have to face it. Communication and trust are the tools right now. Good luck and stay strong😊.
Hi,
I fully understand what you might be going through. 17 years is a long time. If he needs space, it's best you give him space. Relationships cannot be forced on each other. When you give him space, you too start practicing living for yourself. Set small goals and try self-heal. The lesson I have learnt is romantic relationship is the most disposable amongst all other types of relationships. So invest in your family and friends. These are everlasting relationships. Romantic relationship, keep your feelings at check at all times, so you don't land up in this type of situation.
I too experienced betrayal recently. I am coping up too. This is my first day. It happened yesterday. I am allowing my thoughts to flow, thinking of solutions, planning to join gym with my family etc.
