Narcissistic Abuse
Anyone a victim of, or were a victim of narcissistic abuse? Im seeking new strategies and ways to cope after I separated myself from said abuser. It's been 3 weeks since he has been out of my home. He still attempts to contact me. I made the mistake of going against what I feel and replying at times. He abuses substances. Sends all kinds of messages that make no sense at all and blames it on being drunk. He creates scenarios in his head and then actually believes it, then approaches me as if this stuff is true. I really just don't want to be bothered with it. I been checked out of the relationship mentally a long time ago. The last incident where he hit me and didn't remember he did it was the last straw for me. That is scary. Because who knows what else he will do and not remember it. I need advice, encouragement and ways to maintain no contact. Thank you.
@binalina91 I'm so sorry this happened to you, nobody deserves to be around someone like that. I was with someone who checked all the boxes for a narcissist, and I think the biggest takeaway I had was no matter what I do or say, it will be wrong. There's no changing that from the role I had as a partner in the relationship, and it was years I spent trying. But I came to the conclusion that I couldn't do it and needed to take care of myself, and had a lot of feelings of terror/panic following the separation. Everyone is different, but if I could go back I would have told myself to not try to convince people I couldn't 100% trust about the details of our relationship (as opposed to sharing a few details to gauge whether they'd be supportive). Moving on made me feel really fragile in ways I didn't realize until someone pushed my boundaries. I became a lot more sensitive to certain things, and figuring out what things/people were the most hurtful and damaging for me to be around as I was getting back on my feet was helpful to notice. Something essential for me was breaking off all contact from those who were close with him, or who were friends with us both and said things like they "didn't want to take sides", and failed to acknowledge the abuse. This is of course dependent on your connections and whose special to you in your life, but I definitely wouldn't have been able to move on like I have with him still in my life.
You don't owe him a thing, and it doesn't sound like his contact attempts are with your best interest in mind. Acknowledging his abusive behavior and getting out of the relationship is a huge stride forward. Some feelings might get worse before it gets better, but you are taking care of yourself the best way you can. Ultimately, staying with someone like that long-term is so much worse, you're taking steps to a better future. Don't be afraid to put your foot down if your boundaries are getting pushed (for example, if I tell someone I don't want to be contacted and they continue contacting me, I will then block them) or seek out professional/legal help if you feel like its necessary.
You deserve to feel safe, secure, and validated. <3
Thank you so much for the reply..it means a lot. I will save this to read and keep going forward.
@binalina91 Of course, and best of luck on your journey forward. You know yourself better than anyone. You got this 💪
