Need advice
My husband and I have been having arguments the past few days and I’m not sure what to do. For me, I have BPD and act impulsively, and have a fear of abandonment. My husband has been ignoring things I say and ask, and when I confront him, he says he’s not. If I get upset while trying to talk to him, he says the conversation is over and to leave, which makes me more upset and continue to try to talk to him and not leave. I understand I should respect his boundaries and it’s super hard during those moments. I feel like he’s not listening and disregards everything. That is making things way harder for me and what’s even worse is he says he’s loves me but his actions don’t show it with how he’s treating me. He’s at the point where if I do anything that’s bad in his eyes, it has severe repercussions such as - I threw my purse on the bed so he decided he’s selling it or throwing it away and I’ll never get it back. Now he’s telling me I’ll be seeing less of him after work and won’t be home. Everything I do makes it worse. After expressing that ignoring me is a trigger, he does it and expects me not to be upset. I’m trying so hard to do better and I feel like I’m just digging a hole. He won’t do couples therapy.
@scarletHickory6321
Hi Scarlet, I don't have much experience with BPD but what I do know is how you're feeling and what you are needing is being ignored. Being ignored in any capacity can be really infuriating. I'm not sure why but your husband also seems to be lashing out, whether there's a condition involved or not the way it is making you feel is real.
I believe it would be best to let it rest for a little and try to talk to him civilly, when you both are calm and have the time. Tell him how he is making you feel but try not to use words that will make it feel like you're targeting him. Instead of 'your actions (or lack thereof) is making me feel ..." try "I'm not feeling loved and listened to"
He may be combative and lose his temper, it's best not to fan the flames or you'll be repeating the cycle. Maybe ask how he's feeling, if he needs something from the relationship he feels he isn't getting. Maybe he's super stressed from work and taking it out on you, maybe he feels unappreciated as well. Or maybe he's just not willing to try.
Even if he won't go to couples therapy, I highly suggest you do if you aren't already. Talking about it and getting resources and tips from a licensed therapist will be really helpful.
I wish you the best of luck and a good day :)
