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Need honest advice URGENTLY

User Profile: easyEast9016
easyEast9016 April 12th

I need some honest advice because I’m really confused about my feelings right now.

So me and my boyfriend have been together for around 2 years (long distance), and we’ve actually known each other since childhood. Our first year was a bit rough—he wasn’t very serious and there wasn’t much emotional depth— for the first year I was the one putting in extra effort—chasing, fixing fights, managing his anger, holding things together. but things changed a lot in the second year. He improved, worked on his anger, and we got really close. We made plans for the future, and our families even know about us now. His side has met me too, so it’s not something casual anymore—our rishta is almost there, just waiting for things to be official.

The problem is… something has changed in me.

I do love him, and the thought of losing him still hurts me a lot. But at the same time, I feel emotionally disconnected. I get irritated easily, I start unnecessary fights, and my behavior has become very “I don’t care” even though deep down I do. It’s like my feelings aren’t matching my actions anymore. Like my behaviour has kinda became like i don't give a *** about whats happening and if you talk or not i am okay. But deep down i know i am wrong and i love him,i feel guilty and all the stuff like that.

He has genuinely tried to become better for me, and I can see that. That’s why I feel even more guilty for feeling this way now.

I don’t want to break up. I want things to work and go back to how they used to be, but I don’t know how to fix myself or these feelings.

Also I’ve talked to him about how I’ve been feeling, and he’s been really understanding about it. He’s willing to wait for me and give me time, which honestly makes me feel even more confused and guilty.

Has anyone been through something like this?

How do you deal with losing that emotional connection even when the person is right for you?

Is this normal or am I ruining something good?

Please be kind, I really need genuine advice 🤍

1
User Profile: SoulHeaven
SoulHeaven April 13th

@easyEast9016 What you’re feeling doesn’t mean you don’t love him, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It actually sounds like you got emotionally tired. For a long time, you were the one putting in more effort, fixing things, dealing with his anger, and holding the relationship together. That kind of phase doesn’t just disappear once things get better. It stays somewhere inside you.

Now that he’s improved and things are more stable, your mind has space to process everything you went through. And sometimes that comes out as distance, irritation, or acting like you don’t care even when you actually do.
Also, when someone becomes the “right person” after not being that way for a while, it can confuse your feelings. You wanted this version of him before, but now that it’s here, your emotions haven’t fully caught up.
The important thing is this if you truly didn’t care, you wouldn’t feel guilty, and you wouldn’t be this confused. The fact that you’re struggling with it shows that he still matters to you.
At the same time, you do need to be careful. If you keep pushing him away or starting fights without understanding what’s happening inside you, you could slowly damage something that might actually be good now.
Instead of trying to force your feelings back to how they used to be, try to understand them. Ask yourself honestly if this is emotional exhaustion, some leftover hurt, or maybe even fear because things are getting serious.
Take your time with it, and keep communicating like you already are. The fact that he’s being patient and willing to wait says a lot about him.
You’re not ruining anything right now. You’re just in a phase where you need to understand yourself a bit better before things can feel right again.
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