Needing some advice
Hello everyone, I could use a little advice. I’ve been away visiting family for the past two weeks, and now I’m preparing to return home and to face my husband. We’ve been married for 20 years, but our relationship is essentially over. While I’ve been away, I’ve had some time to reflect. I’ve started putting myself first and working on my personal growth. It’s become clear to me just how emotionally drained I’ve been in this marriage. Looking back, I think I either ignored or didn’t recognize the narcissistic traits he was showing.
He’s always demanded that I “communicate better” or “express myself more,” even though I’ve truly tried my best. Now that I’m going home, I know he’s going to question me asking what I’ve been thinking, how I’m working on myself, and what my next steps are. And honestly, that makes me anxious. I don’t feel emotionally safe with him, and I’m not ready to be vulnerable in that environment. But if I say nothing, I know it’ll only escalate things. I’m feeling really unsure right now and not sure how to handle what’s coming.
@Novalee07
I really appreciate you sharing here.
Rather than staying silent, would it be possible to tell your husband you did some thinking over this vacation … and that you need some more time to process?
I don’t see this as an untruth, because you will need time to gather your support “team” to help you exit the marriage. I am sure it will be scary, and that is why I strongly recommend getting support as soon as you can. (And I'm talking about getting people on your side who can truly help.)
When I told my wife that I could no longer be married, it was one of the hardest things I ever did—and we had a lot of good things in our marriage (which I won’t get into now) … my point is, for how good we had it, I still needed my friends every step of the way to help me dissolve the marriage.
If you don’t have family or friends who can be there for you in real life, then I believe you can find them here. I am a newbie at 7Cups, but I can see there are a lot of supportive people and resources available.
Please continue reaching out … I wish you all the best.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I’m already preparing myself for the eye rolls when I tell him I need more time to process everything and that I need to protect my heart. He’ll have no choice but to accept my boundaries. I’m no longer allowing him to intimidate me or pressure me into speaking before I’m ready. Thankfully, I have a support system in place to help me leave when the time comes. I know this may be one of the hardest things I’ll ever do as I will have to move hour away and find a new job, but I also know it’s necessary if I want to find peace and happiness again. I agree, 7 Cups has been incredibly supportive. And just so you know, I’m here for you too. Take care.
@Novalee07
It looks like you are well prepared! Stay strong and I'm here for you too!
(If you have the time, I posted a question earlier today on another thread, and I would appreciate your input: https://www.7cups.com/forum/religion/General_2605/Whydowepray_357096/?post=3896337 ... I hope this link works.)
Thank you!!