New heart break in my life

Hello everyone. I’m going through the most painful, confusing period of my life, and I need to share my story. I don’t know where else to turn. I hope that by writing this, I can at least begin to process what’s happening or find someone who understands.

I grew up fast and moved in with my first serious boyfriend at 18. We were together for 7 years. The relationship was toxic and abusive—he physically hurt me, and I was deeply codependent. I had no financial independence, we lived in his apartment, and I had no real connection with my parents, especially my father. I had no model of healthy love. Even though there were clear red flags, I stayed, hoping things would get better. I built my own business, worked on myself, and believed we could grow together. But when the war in Ukraine began, everything changed.

Fear took over. I realized my partner didn’t see me as family—he chose his own family over me. I spiraled emotionally and started coping in destructive ways: emotional eating, drinking, avoidance. I hit rock bottom—but I overcame those addictions.

In 2023, I met someone on ***. He lives in Mexico, 19 years older than me, with a previous marriage and two children. Despite the age gap, our connection was deep, natural, and full of shared values. He was kind, mature, and genuinely good. For the first time, I felt seen and understood. Unlike my past relationship, there were no red flags. I truly believed this person was 100% right for me—our temperaments matched, our communication flowed, we dreamed together. So I made the bold choice to move to Mexico to be with him.

But when I arrived, I wasn’t in the right mental state. I was still grieving, emotionally overwhelmed, in shock from relocating. I didn’t speak the language, couldn’t go out alone, and became stuck in a frightened, childlike state. I wasn’t the strong woman he had come to know online. Instead, a dynamic began forming between us that felt more like father and daughter than equals. Maybe it was the age gap, maybe my emotional state—but things started to shift.

In November, he told me he wanted to break up. I begged him to stay. I told him that I wasn’t myself and asked him to give me one more chance. He agreed. I stopped drinking, stopped fighting, became calmer and more emotionally present. I truly thought things were getting better.

But I started to feel something had changed. He was colder, more distant. He stopped saying loving things. Then a few days ago, he finally said it: he no longer felt the same. He said our problems were cyclical, that nothing truly changed, and that he wanted to end it for good. He had already made that decision in November—he just gave us one last chance out of respect. I never realized that, and honestly, I still don’t fully understand what he wanted from the relationship.

And the hardest part is—I still don’t accept it.

Because this wasn’t a relationship full of pain or betrayal. There was no cheating, no big dramatic incident. Just a quiet decision made by someone who is deeply analytical and careful with choices. And while I understand his logic—I can’t understand it emotionally. I still feel like he is the right person for me. I believe with all my heart that we were perfect for each other. So I don’t know what to do.

We still live together and talk daily as if nothing happened—without physical closeness, of course, but emotionally it feels warm and friendly. And that only makes it harder. I keep thinking: should I fight for this? Should I beg him to stay? Should I delay my return home? Or am I just clinging to false hope?

I don’t know how to deal with this false hope that still lives inside me. I know I have no other option but to accept this ending. But I can’t. My mind understands, my logic accepts it—but my heart can’t follow.

I feel like I’m falling apart. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t work. I constantly replay everything: what I could have done differently, how I didn’t give enough, how now I’m trying to “earn” love in the final weeks—cleaning the house, sitting next to him, being there in ways I wasn’t before.

But it’s too late. And yet… I’m still not ready to let go.

I’m not asking how to fix this. I’m asking: how do I survive it? How do I stop hoping? How do I let go of someone who felt like the right person in every way?