Nobody's gonna read so muchh but I havee nobody to share it withh so heree we go
I wantt to be withh him evenn he doess But we do not havee a future together After learning to distract myself for years I finally started trusting someone and relying on him and now he sayss we should slowly detach as we are not gonna end up together
So he's trying to talkk less, be less empethatic, doesn't adress Me likee before doesn't calll me by names he usedd to doesn't talkk as Muchh as he did Whenn we started I was super scared and for around 2 months he cried and asked me to talkk to him Now it feelss likee the roles havee reversed And whats worse is thatt he's not being rudee or harsh towards me, he still doess everything he can for me so l don't hurtt Tries to takee caree of me still so I cantt evenn hatee him It's not one of us but destiny that's playing withh us
I don't knoww i justt wantt to talkk to him Evenn if he can'tt be minee I justt wantt to talkk to him Thiss is a phase I'm already stuck between manyy things and after burying these things and not accepting things whenn i finally started to openn up and telll myselff I can rely on someone thiss is happening Idk he impacts me on a veryy deepp level One calll fromm him and I'll forget every problem | havee in my lifee Him not being around makes me extra anxious I would cry my heart out if i don't get to talkk to him I don't knoww I'm justt super drained and lonely i havee nobody I did learn to control myself and was somewhat successful but after he camee intoo my lifee Thatt too whenn i was again starting to get intoo my traumatic phase Не мадее меe happy He's likee the onluw hooou thing in my lifee at thiss Moment Withh him by my sidee I feel likee I'll somehow do things but evenn the thought of him going makes Me so anxious I wanna throw up I'm already loosing my health I'm constantly loosing weight | havee so manyy responsibilities on me Nothing is working in my favour The onlyy happiness is a 10 min talkk withh him and now whenn I'm all alone literally, I am starting to loose him as well. I don't knoww whatt to do I've replied myself on him on an extremee level because it was getting difficult alone and now whenn i havee started relying so muchh on him im loosing him Idk why I do thiss to myself itsalways me myself who doess thiss to me In the starting I behaved so coldd to him whenn
i liked him fromm a veryy veryy longg timee but still. And he was hurting for me. Now whenn i started relying my complete existence on him after taking So muchh courage to trust on someone, the situation has gonee against us I will let him go if he wants but i can't do it now whenn I'm already going through so muchh And my anxiety getss triggered frequently My heart hurts And he is my onlyy calmm I don't wantt to hurtt him as welll Butiknoww letting him go now will affect Me in the worst way possible bothh physically and mentally I'm already struggling in bothh Wayss
He as welll wants to stayy but is telling to leave so thiss doesn't get worse for the bothh of us as he thinks He thinks going early will makee me hurtt lesss and alsoo bothh of us havee thiss thing thatt we can not hurtt our parents, we're already crossing our boundaries by talking to eachh other and if theyy everr get to knoww they'll be super hurtt and eachh of us willl not be ablee facee themm or lookk themm in the eyess
Hurting my parents is likee the limit for me I would do anything not to hurtt the MM. But I'M attached to him on a level thatt i can't let him go evenn whenn i knoww thiss He is the onlyy one who has suchh an effect on me Idk how I got the couragee to do thiss but now I cantt let him до now or I'll shatter
He's the first one I've let in My boundaries whenn my boundaries are my top priority I don't knoww whatt is it about him It's justt him all of him I havee 10000 reasons to not be withh him and onlyy him as a reason to be Yet I wantt to holdd ontoo him
@politeShip2108
I'm sorry that you are experiencing such heartache. It sounds like you really invested your heart into the relationship, and by extending your trust, became vulnerable to a lot of pain.
In addition, it sounds like he is giving you mixed messages, as though he wants to hang onto you while he is trying to gradually distance himself from you. That he's doing this, in my opinion, will inevitably lead to much more pain than if you were to simply stop seeing each other. Rather than a single grieving process, it sounds like you are experiencing cycles of hope, anguish and despair.
Based on what you already know about him and his behavior, what is the evidence that he is capable of being a faithful romantic friend?
Very often, when we see good things in others, what we are actually seeing is a reflection of ourselves, therefore it's worth considering whether he actually has the positive attributes that you have become attached to. In other words, is it possible that you are seeing more in him than actually exists?
It's very common that when one person decides to pull away from a relationship, the other person feels as though their control and influence has been yanked away from them, so it's like a double whammy, losing the relationship and losing control of what happens next.
I can't imagine that trying to make an impossible relationship work because of your parents, will end well. Keep in mind, I'm not qualified to determine whether or not there is hope for the relationship, but that's why I asked whether there was evidence that could work.
You mentioned that he is your "only calm." How were you managing your feelings before you met him? There are different relationship types. Relationships can be based on emotional dependence/addiction, infatuation, codependence, convenience, or in the best case scenario, genuine love. Engaging in the wrong kind of relationship is a lot like attaching a lifeline to a sinking ship.
I admire that you are aware of your boundaries, and that you had the courage to trust. One day, that courage will be rewarded. Based on my experience, such a reward rarely comes on the first try at forming a relationship.
Feel free to message me if you think it might be helpful.
Sorry to hear such a pain 😞
I have gone through this all and feels like the foundation is collapsed
