O don't know what to do

Currently, I am navigating a period of deep emotional instability triggered by a blunt conversation with my closest friends regarding my long-term relationship. We have been together for several years, and while there is a strong bond, my partner’s behavior has become a point of external concern—concerns that I now realize are true. He is an extremely rational person, often arrogant and ironic, treating me with unnecessary harshness even in simple daily situations or in front of others.

​On the other hand, I feel he was responsible for "rebuilding" me during my most fragile moments, especially within my professional life. He taught me to use logic as a defense mechanism, providing what I call a "weapon and armor" so I wouldn't break in the face of hardship. I believe he wants what is best for me, and I notice his affection in subtle, silent gestures—moments that usually happen when he thinks I’m not looking. However, the questions raised by my friends made me realize that I might be accepting a lack of basic respect in exchange for the emotional security he has provided.

​Right now, I have chosen to isolate myself in a different city to process all of this alone. I feel a mixture of gratitude for what I’ve learned from him and a profound sadness for realizing that respect, which should be the foundation of a relationship, is missing. I need to understand if this "armor" he gave me is protecting me or suffocating me. I am seeking therapy to help navigate this ambivalence between the love I feel and the pain of accepting treatment that I know I do not deserve.