Porn addiction and Girlfriend
Hello. I had a porn addiction while in a committed relationship for a year and a half. My girlfriend and I first discussed this about 3 months ago and she was rightfully not happy and very upset. This has caused a problem in our relationship, as she feels she does not know how to move on (I found this out 2 days ago). I also looked up, not porn, but people on *** that I knew would have inappropriate pictures. This was 2 days ago. I brought it up with my girlfriend because of how bad I felt. We talked about it, I still feel horrible and so does she. I think I use and have used inappropriate pictures and videos as a way of stress management. So I guess I am on her to ask for help or resources or comments about how to overcome these temptations and what I can do and how I can be better to/with my girlfriend.
@navyLemon4199 Firstly we're so proud of you because we know how hard it can be to just acknowledge there's a problem, especially for men, cause they notoriously don't open up.
Now, everything God created is good, including sex, but when we have no control of our emotions, everything becomes unprofitable. That being said, it's about making hard decisions everyday e.g. not allowing yourself to be alone for too long, or using coping mechanisms. I call my friends when I feel idle, or pray (call God lol). I know it can be hard at first, but if you stick to:
1. Avoiding triggering situations (like provocative photos, videos on social media)
2. Practice mindfulness through healthier coping mechanisms e.g. reduced scrolling, and more physical interaction
3. Prayer/Talking to friends
you eventually stop falling into the temptation, and it loses its power. Feel free to message me whenever you want to talk about this.
@navyLemon4199 I think it is very good you admitted the problem exists, discuss it with your girlfriend, and try to solve it.
It must have taken from you a lot of courage, trust and honesty to reveal this. In such a situation your partner might feel somehow "cheated" - the key for a relationship, I believe, is being "the one and only" for somebody, and she may feel not too comfortable when your brain works about other women (even if they are just images and got old 20 years ago).
I think the problem with pornography is it creates in your mind a kind of a "shortcut". It is like having a junk food snack instead of a full, healthy meal. There are no deeper feelings involved. There is no responsibility for another person. And you can go looking for it not only when you are hungry, but just to relieve stress.
What are you going to do? Have you considered some other alternatives for copying with anxiety or stress? Like taking a walk, having some other physical activities or, last but not least, having some rest from electronic media from time to time?
I keep my fingers crossed for you 😊 I don't know if you've seen a movie called "Thanks for Sharing". It is about sexaholics trying to live a healthier, more valuable lives. Quite frank and unbiased, I must say. I like the tricks they do with their hands every time they're tempted 😉
Certainly, you are not a bad guy, even if your life might need some minor adjustments.
You can also seek help and guidance from Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, they are a very good start for you to seek other people facing the same issues in a safe, non-judgemental environment you can lean on and seek strategies to turn things around for you :)
Acknowledging your situation is a huge and very brave step, you should start feeling proud of yourself for trying to makes things better!
