Processing emotions in a difficult relationship

My partner of 6 years does a thing where he tries to change things he doesn't like about me by being mean. It's mostly put downs and dismissal and removing affection. I have some childhood trauma from an abusive father who eventually abandoned me at 10 years old. When my partner becomes mean it triggers the experience of being around my father who treated me this way as a child. It's really emotionally exhausting. My partner and I have talked about all this and how it affects me but he just keeps doing the same thing. He's told me that I "don't deserve kindness" because I drink, he's yelled at me to "grow up" when he felt I wasn't cleaning the house enough, he says he "won't be my yes man" when I ask for emotional support. He feels justified in treating me this way because he thinks I deserve it. And maybe on some level, I do too.I know I should probably leave but it's not always bad and I just dont know how. We're in therapy. I told a friend about this and she was in disbelief that he was capable of being this mean. She believed me eventually but I don't talk to friends about this much because I feel like they either won't believe me, or will just tell me to leave, and neither of those feels helpful. It feels good to get this out here. I think I'm mostly just looking to be seen because I feel like I'm disappearing.