Relationship going down the drain?

My relationship has gone down the drain within the last few months. It’s constant fighting and when positives come around, I don’t want to accept them because my spouse acts like being nice the next morning should replace or erase the negative feelings of the harsh things said the night before. After a decade of begging for the bare minimum and getting nothing, I finally hit my breaking point. I told them I’m no longer happy and I don’t want to be with them anymore. And they picked up little tasks like watering the lawn, taking the trash to the road, and that just isn’t enough for me. Is that selfish, yes probably and I know that, because they’re trying but I don’t feel like I should have to overly express my appreciation for it when I did everything with no acknowledgment for years and now they want me to thank them for doing those. Whenever things aren’t going their way in the conversations, it ends up being threats or ultimatums such as “you’re either with me or you’re out of this house” “You prioritize me or I’m walking” “My life is over if you leave me I’ll just disappear” things like this. I’m not innocent in this, but how can someone who claims to love you treat you so poorly and point out every negative and every flaw they see about you and act like you shouldn’t be affected by them just because they said it out of anger. I get maybe once or twice but when I’ve heard the same words, same belittlement 15+ times, it doesn’t feel like it’s just anger. It feels like it’s just how they actually feel about me. At this point, I don’t know if it is better to stay or go. I love them, but I do not love our relationship. And it bothers me so much that it took me flat out saying I’m at my lowest and I think I wanna walk away for them to half *** pretend they care now. My major breaking point was trying to have another child with them and them not showing up for anything at all, not Dr appointments, not doing their part in it, not paying attention to me at my lowest crying myself to sleep, etc. and at that point I decided to stop trying for that, that’s when I picked myself instead of prioritizing them in my life. And It feels so good to put me first, but they are not happy about it at all, and I do understand why. I just don’t know what to do.