Relationship issue with wife
I've been having frequent relationship issues with my wife. We argue, quarrel and fight often. She does not show empathy for me. Avoids being intimate. Gaslights me during arguments. Gives constant criticism for everyday chores and activities. Shes been an emotional drain and I'm thinking to end the relationship after a year now.
Don’t make the mistake I did. When she’s emotional, you remain calm. When she isn’t intimate, pretend it doesn’t bother you by laughing with her, tickling her, and saying “I love you beautiful”, then smile and go to sleep.
Women challenge us daily. If you break=no sex, no respect. If you pass (smile and don’t let it phase you), she feels protected and trusts you. Then when she opens to you, make love to her to the point she cries afterwards because you filled her with your love.
Don’t make the mistake I did. When she’s emotional, you remain calm. When she isn’t intimate, pretend it doesn’t bother you by laughing with her, tickling her, and saying “I love you beautiful”, then smile and go to sleep.
Women challenge us daily. If you break=no sex, no respect. If you pass (smile and don’t let it phase you), she feels protected and trusts you. Then when she opens to you, make love to her to the point she cries afterwards because you filled her with your love.
I remain kind to her always. I give her hugs despite her being uninterested. I give her kisses without any expectations. I dont shame her or disrespect her. Im the constant giver in our relationship.
@goodEyes9022
It must feel terrible when your careful attention is met with criticism and depreciation...
@goodEyes9022
Hello, and welcome to 7 Cups 😊
To be honest, our role here is not to suggest you any yes-or-no answers, judging by only a short description of the problem - because it is you who are the expert on your own life, and you know all the shades and details much better than we could.
But we are here to tell you that your emotions are valid. Feeling insecure, criticised, rejected, ignored and gaslighted is, I believe, what you did not expect from a healthy, nurturing, caring relationship. And it's really sad to hear what you are going through.
I experienced a similar situation myself, and I know it is not easy (after a lot of struggle my final decision was to leave). You did not mention if you have any children, but if they were involved, the stake would be doubled or tripled.
The solution, I believe, lies somewhere between your gut feeling, the fact you deserve happiness (even though it sometimes comes in a rocky way) and your knowledge if and how something could be done to make the situation better (sometimes we have such ideas buried in our minds, even if we don't discuss it).
Arguing and quarrels seem to be a sign of a conflict between the values, needs and ideas of a relationship you both may have. One of the possible ways out might be starting a couple therapy with a professional therapist/family mediator.
In case your partner said "no" to that option, that could also be some valuable information to you about her intentions, expectations and limitations.
It could also beneficial if you tried to reach for some emotional support (what, I believe, you have just done a first step to), to help you recognize your emotions and values.
Our emotions are very important signals, not to be ignored. But making important decisions of your life may also require some calm mind and carefully weighting all the options.
We are married for a year and have no children. She avoids intimacy mostly even I approach her gently. She has not interest in having children as well. Im setting boundaries to avoid conflicts coming up often. Im thinking of waiting and seeing what will happen in the next few months and decide on the relationship.
