Starting over after 2years and 3 months

I would really appreciate your feedback, I'm so sad. 2 years ago I met my bf on bumble, he was new to my country as well, at the time I was just ending a bad DV relationship. Stay with me as this story has many turns. When my ex and I met ( let's call him John ) I was super attractive to him, he is very outgoing and social and that aligns perfectly with me. He told me he wasn't fully ready for a relationship even though I was but I said okay hoping with time that would change. A few months after he asked me to be his gf and I was super excited. We are interracial, culturally different as well, and we have an age gap. When I met him I was turning 23 and he was 36. A few weeks after he asked me to be his gf my previous ex called him, yes he called him, how he got his number? He had access to my pc which I retrieved after a while. He called him and shared awful things that were clear lies. My bf became a little fearful as he thought me and that narcissistic man were working together, so for about 2-3 months my bf didn't trust me, he had a massive wall around him and we skipped the get to know you phase because I was busy proving that my ex and I aren't trying to “get him “. We were still going out a lot, grabbing dinners on the weekend etc.

I had moved into his home and things were really kicking off or so I thought. He handled 98% of the finances as he was in a way but possition than me, however I would cook, clean etc We started having a lot of disagreements, when I shared the problems with him he became A WALL yes I said a wall. He often had nothing to say about the issue or he would say “ hmm idk what do you want me to do/say 🙄” it was very frustrating trying to get over any hurdles with him. Many times I felt like I was the older person. He was an avoidant and he was very much happy to hold that trait, he would avoid confrontation altogether. Every time I would say lets sit and chat about some of the issues we were having, best believe we would end up breaking up because he would say “ yeh, we are just different and this isn't working “ . He broke up with me 6 times ( a lot of times the break up last for 24- 48 hrs ) We started to just exist mostly, we don't have deep chats, we are simple just going out and having fun and traveling and that's really what it felt like for a while.

After a year, our relationship slightly changed, he lowered his walls a little bit, he spoke on issues, he proposed going to therapy and many other great things. We never went to therapy! We even found a lovely therapist and never booked the session even when I said lets go on Saturday. We said we would do weekly check ins ( that never happened )

Now if I'm being honest, ever since I moved into his place I did become less independent and lackadaisical. I started to realize this was badly affecting us especially since he has “ Go Go, maximize the day “ type of drive. I do have that drive but I became a little too comfortable . I'm not saying I expect him to walk behind me but I don't think he really was even trying to push me hard enough, he would say 1/2 things in a subtle way but don't expect him to check in on your growth.

We celebrated 2 years of dating in September 2025 and I still haven't met his parents, he never said I love you. His parents know about me, they always call and ask him how I am and he would just say Yeah, I am fine etc. One day I said to him “ I have a mouth you know, I could tell your mom I'm fine on my own “ . I met and hung out with all his friends, Co workers etc. Each time we traveled it was very difficult because again we aren't sitting to learn about each other preferrence and styles it was really not fun sometimes. For Christmas we went to Chile and Panama. In chile unfortunately I experienced subtle racsism and I felt really sad and I don't think he was very supportive of me it kind of took a toll on the trip. When he returned to our home country he broke up with for good and said “ I need a new life “ he said he will not be happy in the long run and later down in life I will realize he wasn't the man for me. I asked him to stay and try therapy and start all over to better understand each other and he said no.

A little backstory last year in November he did the same thing and said he can't do this anymore and he had left and gone to his home country for 1 month, so decided to try and heal from it and move on with my life, but when he was home he got approval from his friend and family so when he came back he was mad for chats, mad for starting over, mad for doing therapy etc and literally 2 months after again he broke up with me. He says we have nothing to talk about and he doesn't feel fulfilled, bare in mind I go out my way to bring up fun or even social issues to get our conversations going and HALF the time he gives a closed-ended response. We never made plans as a couple because he couldn't ( no long-term plans )

Apology for the grammatical errors

I just feel burnt out and I find myself crying a lot