Starting over at 36?

It feels impossible. I’m starting grieve over a break up that happened last night. Together 2 years.

We are both involved in our church communities and have have a relatively “righteous” relationship. I have felt a shift this past month after his brothers girlfriend came to visit from Germany. He has a 14 year old daughter and it’s been gradual but cordial in cultivating that connection with her. When his brother’s gf came to visit, his daughter really bonded with her, which is great. However, he took that kind of hard and has been disconnecting from me since then because he hasn’t seen that same bond between his daughter and I.

Simultaneously, he has become more physically affectionate and more sexual this past month. Last night when he was at my house, I felt like I needed to pause and reassess our values when it comes to sexual intimacy before marriage. I said “I want to talk about this a little more in depth.” I couldn’t get another word out before he interrupted me and said “no I’m not doing this, I’m out.” He left and then called me and said we needed a break. I panicked and drove to his house because it went from 0-100 in all of 30 seconds. Like whiplash. When I got there, he was playing video games and wouldn’t talk to me at all. I’m embarrassed for going over there. I called him today (mistake, I know, but this is the person closest to me) and he just doesn’t want to hear from me. There has absolutely been tension for the past month and I feel like he has silently disconnected from me during that time. I have tried to talk to him but he dismisses it.

We have been on the same page until very recently and the thought of rebuilding my life without him is so overwhelming, especially at this age. It’s heartbreaking how this can change so fast. 24 hours ago, we were talking about paint colors and carpet, and now we’re just… done? This has been so painful and I am hoping he is just overwhelmed and not actually ready to throw the last two years away. It hurts so much. We’ve been to couples counseling too, which was initiated by him due to his tendencies to withdraw.